Patience, pt.2

Raise your hand if you took a Griswold-style road trip that never seemed to end? I think the most of us have. I'll never forget in college, we road tripped it out West for a conference in a church "people mover." You know what a people mover is, its that second vehicle the church owns that is one step up from a van but not quite the luxury of a chartered bus. My friend, Miss A, and I sat in the very back of the people mover. Everything was fantastic until we hit the hot Arizona desert. Suddenly the back of the mover was HOT. The Dora video that was playing for our campus pastor's children became super annoying. People were getting cranky. Everyone wanted to get off as soon as possible. I'll never forget getting to the church in San Diego that was our stop for the night and feeling so thankful I was free from the people mover. I was glad we had reached our destination.

     In the Bible, we read about Noah and his long trip on the ark with his family and the animals. Until this year, I always thought Noah and crew were only on the ark the forty days and nights. But when we read Genesis 7&8 carefully, we see God made it rain for forty days and nights. Noah was actually on the ark for 230 days before he sent out the raven to see if dry land appeared. Then, almost 100 days after that, Noah and his family were allowed to leave the ark. If you've crunched the numbers with me, you can see Noah was on the ark for 330 days, almost an entire year!! Talk about the world's longest road trip! And the patience needed to endure it! I would have gone crazy! I think after the dove came back with the olive branch, I would have tried to climb out of the ark to get away from the zoo and even to get a break from family! But not Noah or his family. They remained steadfast in patience until the time God appointed them to leave the ark. 

    Are you there with what you are waiting for? Can you almost see God's promise for you being fulfilled? You have received that long awaited job offer, but you still have to finish out a month left to your current job. Perhaps you finally can see the degree you've worked on in sight, but you have six more months of classes. Maybe you're getting married soon and you are just ready for life to begin together, but you have a month left before that happens. It's hard to have patience and wait when you can see the promised dreams are going to be soon fulfilled. In fact, it's probably even more tempting at this point to take matters into our own hands and rush the dream along. 

     Noah's story teaches us this. Even though it may look like its time for the promise or dream to be fulfilled, we must still exercise patience and wait on God's timing. Even though the dove brought back an olive branch, signaling the receding waters, Noah doesn't leave the ark. When he sends out the dove and it doesn't come back, Noah still doesn't leave the ark.  Instead, he waits. Then God has him remove the covering of the ark. Noah can see the land dry. The promise of God is about to be fulfilled. Does Noah gather everyone up and lead the praise procession off the ark? Nope. Noah waits 57 more days. Finally, God gives him the go ahead to leave the ark.

     God has a specific time and purpose to what He calls us in life to do. God wants to fulfill those promises and dreams, but in HIS time, not ours. It can be hard to be patient and wait when we we are so close to realization, but that is when we need to look to Him and ask for a spiritual renewal of patience. Don't give up and rush ahead. Instead, like Noah, stop, wait, pray, and listen. And when the green light happens, run after that promise or dream with utter abandonment, knowing God is right there cheering you on. He has removed the obstacles, so that when you get to that dream, it is smooth sailing! And just like when you feel relief and thankfulness after a long road trip, stop and do what Noah and his family did, they stopped and built an altar for sacrifice and thanksgiving to God. You have finally received what you have waited for...be grateful.

Patience, Pt. 1

These past two weeks were filled with my impatient heart. It all started on Mother's Day at church. I cannot tell you how many people wished me a "Happy Mother's Day." I smiled and just nodded, accepting the greeting. I didn't have the heart to correct them and just tried to take it as God reminding me of future plans and dreams. I wish that would have been the end of the impatience, but like the Fib in "Larry-Boy and the Fib Monster from Outer Space," the impatience grew and grew, fueled by many circumstances. Creating an odd number at dinner one night. If only I was married, it would have been an all even number and we would have had better seating arrangements. Wearing my new pink dress for kindergarten graduation and having my mom say, "Where's that guy to take you to dinner in that dress?" Bursting out singing "All the Single Ladies" as a joke and then hearing, "you're the total package, who wouldn't want you in their life." Even being offered to have an eHarmony membership paid for me. All these things added up to a huge spirit of impatience and discontentment. Finally the impatience monster exploded after I prayed about all these things and I felt God lay on my heart one word: patience. Really God? Um, in case you forgot, I'm over 30 now. Patience? God, what do you think I've been doing? Patience? God, even all the "newer" people in my Lifegroup are getting married and I'm just that old, single schoolteacher of the group.

After my impatience explosion and some wise council from my accountability partner, I prayed again. God said patience again. (You have to love the consistency God has with us. He never changes.) Ok, God, I'll be patient. Then I saw this tweet from Christine Caine: "You have fought too hard, too long & come too far to give up, go back or crumble now! Having done all else, STAND!" Ok, God, I'll continue to stand in patience for You. I will stand in your patience for your best and your timing.  I will not crumble under my impatience.

This morning, during my quiet time, I looked up verses about patience in the Bible. After all, if I'm going to stand in patience, then I better have God's word as my foundation. So, my next few blog are going to be about patience in His word-and how we can take that truth and stand on it.

Part of me sighed with a heavy heart after I finished this morning. I wish I would have sought His patience sooner. It hasn't been like He hasn't tried to get my attention in that way for the past two weeks. I wish I could have dived into His truth to have peace wash over me. But God knew I was going to be impatient, and actually it feels sweeter to come to Him with the brokenness of  impatience and to let Him bind it up.  It makes me think of a child falling, scraping their knee, and then running to a parent to fix the boo-boo.  Often the child ends up in the parent's lap, in an intimate loving embrace. That is where I am, letting God fix my skinned knee impatience caused, holding me in tightly in His embrace, as He whispers to me that His patience will sustain me until His appointed time for my dreams to become a reality to give Him the most glory.  He truly loves us with a great love.

An Open Letter to the High School Class of 2025

(Today is kindergarten graduation. It sounds silly but it is the formal ceremony where we as teachers get to say good-bye to our precious students that have been entrusted to our care for the past school year.)

Dear My Special 15 Students in the Future Class of 2025,

   Wow, I can't believe that it is May already!  And your Miss L cannot believe that today is graduation.  Our time has gone by so quickly!  I guess the old saying is true that time flies when you are having fun.  Which I have had so much fun with you all this year!  I hope that you have had fun with me.  Do you remember all the times we have laughed at each other?  Like when we read The Gingerbread Cowboy?  You all loved it so much we read it three times!  Or remember when we laughed so hard at recess that one day when you said I should dress up like a princess?  And Veggie Tales.  We always laughed at Larry and Bob.  Oh, and how can I forget that when I read Goldilocks and the Three Dinosaurs and the Norwegian dinosaur sounded like the Swedish Chef?  You all cracked up.
   Each one of you has a special place in my heart. In fact, each one of you has helped me grow as a person and in my walk with the Lord this year.  I'll never forget you!   To the child who had to endure such great loss this year- you have taught me more about placing my complete trust in God.  You have a beautiful and knowledgeable spirit, I hope that it only flourishes as you get older.  To the one who didn't think you could do it- I've seen so many successes in you this year.  Keep going and keep trying, you'll get where you want to be, I promise!  To the child who loves our school so much, you have taught me more about grace and second chances than you'll ever know. Go out there and show others too!  To the child with the sunny smile, you have shown me that even though you are six, you can still take a Bible story and apply to your life.  It really is about having faith like a child.  To the child with the fierce prayers, I have never heard someone, including adults,  pray with such boldness and confidence.  You challenge me when I pray.  To the amazing child who lets nothing stand in the way- everything about you warms my heart and cements God-given dreams in my heart.  I see bright things ahead for you.  To the child whose intelligence is sometimes hidden- you have shown me that if we continue to seek it, it can be found.  Don't ever give up!  To the child who greeted me with a laugh and a smile every morning, I love your jokes and your sense of humor.  I'll always think of you and how you brought the laughs to our class.  To the shy smiling child, I will miss those sweet hugs you gave me all the time...and all your rainbow artwork!   To the child with the infamous grin, you are so smart!  Continue to focus in first grade and you'll go great places one day.  To the child with a servant's heart- you were so encouraging to others all year long.  You have a thirst for God that is admirable- don't ever lose it.  To the child with joy- continue to bring that with you where ever you go.  Our world needs more joyful spirits like you.  To the child that was always so precise- I'll never forget your precious smile or your tell-it-like-it-is way of talking.  You are a truth teller, don't ever lose that.  To the child who was definitely the most hospitable to all- you made your classmates into instant friends and you made your teacher feel so welcome at her new school this year.  I'm going to be lost without you next year!  To the sweet child, we made it!  You have shown me that fear can be conquered!  You are such a brave child!  Never lose that!
   This week has been a hard week for your teacher.  You see, everything we do is the last of something.  I've wanted to be sad, but instead I've been praying a verse about God's faithfulness.  God will be faithful to cover your lives as you grow up!  His faithfulness will protect you and keep you safe from harm.  My prayer for you, this class of 2025, is that you will grow into becoming a light to the world.  You all are smart, you can read, you can write, you can do math.  But most of all, you all each have a thirst and hunger for God.  We have had special times this year where we talked about words how they matter to God.  My words for you this year is that you would have discovered you are mighty warriors and mighty princesses of God.  I pray that the seed was firmly planted and will take root as you begin to find your identity in Christ as you grow up.  So, even though my heart is sad, I'm excited to watch you all grow up!  You all are each amazing people, truly I have never seen the words of Psalm 139:13 in action until this year.  You all are each unique individuals with bright futures up ahead.  I will be praying for you, as always, and if you ever need anything, let me know. I will do what I can to help.  After all, it is what love does.  And as Ellie said to Carl in Up, "Thanks for the adventure, now go and have one of your own!"

Love,
Miss L
 

What I'm Listening to Wednesday

Going a little old school on this one and posting a favorite from back in college:  Relient K's "Chapstick, Chapped Lips, and Things Like Chemistry."  Enjoy!!  I hope it puts a smile on your face!

30th Birthday...The Birthday I Just Keep Celebrating...

I'm just not normally into my birthday.  I think that since it falls on Memorial Day weekend and was after school was out, it was always hard to plan parties.  I can remember one time, I invited some friends of mine when I turned 13 to a slumber party but they couldn't come because they were going to the lake or a softball tournament.  I was really sad because I thought those girls were good friends of mine. But God has been healing this wound.  Greatly in the past year.  Now I can look at my birthday and laugh with joy because that is when God let me enter the world.

Last April/May, Miss LE and my mom organized a 30th birthday countdown.  Everyday, for 30 days leading up to my birthday, I received a small gift.  For example, on day 16, I received 16 ounces of Coke Zero.  It was so much fun and I felt so loved...definitely not forgotten by my friends.  Fast forward to six months ago, back in November, my class at OCS celebrated my half birthday!  I felt so silly until it actually happened!  My class was so excited!  My sweet homeroom mom organized this super cute project where the class filled out a page about me to them.  It was so perfect and something I will treasure forever.  Now that we are in the month of May, the class was getting excited again.  My principal honored me with wearing the "Birthday Tiara" and a cupcake last Thursday.  The class was so happy for me!  Many of the little girls tried to sneak hugs when I sat down so they could touch the tiara.  They said I looked like a princess.  I won't lie, wearing it all day brought out the ballerina in me, and made me walk taller all day long.  At the end of the day, they all serenaded me with "Happy Birthday," including cha-chas.  It didn't matter that we did this six months before, all that matter was that it was birthday time again!

Now, with my birthday coming in 14 days, I have to look back on this year and smile.  When I was 19 and imagining I was 30, I never would have imagined my life where I am right now.  There are still dreams and hopes that are currently on hold, while I wait on God.  However, could I have felt more loved?  I have felt so loved and special this year not only by the beautiful people around me, but by my Father, the one who created me.  He has truly reminded me that I am his beloved, his beautiful daughter who is a princess.  I am a masterpiece who has good works to do for God to make His glory known.  I can walk around feeling delighted in everyday because that is what He does.  No more feeling ashamed or embarrassed about my birthday.  No more feeling disappointed.  Instead, I will embrace my special day and let myself be celebrated.  After all, it is what God does to me everyday, showering me with His graceful gifts.

Mountains, Trees, and Rivers

     God uses things in His creation to often help me understand something about Him.  For example, when I was in college, I went on a ski trip with my college group.  I decided not to ski, but instead spent time with a friend who didn't want to ski.  We went snowshoeing on a beautiful hike through the mountains. (I'd totally do that again, btw.  got some awesome pictures and enjoyed the gentle, quiet pace of the forest.) I felt the vastness of the mountains and the woodlands and the sun breaking through the trees and gleaming off of the snow was showing me the greatness of God's glory, a much needed lesson at the time.  Last summer and fall, as I began surrendering all my dreams and expectations to God, the images of trees kept coming to mind, especially about how they withstand all seasons, planted and rooted firmly in the ground.  I know God was telling me that if I am planted like a tree in Him, I could survive and thrive in all seasons, even if they are seasons I'm not excited to be in.  Here are some drawings and verses from that time.  I think that it was an important truth, as a few weeks ago I was called steadfast in the Lord.  I feel like trees are so steadfast in creation as long as they stay healthy and well-tended.  If they are not planted in the right soil or deep enough, they will die.  I feel like I've listened and am growing more and more like a tree in the Lord everyday.

 

Currently though, God has been calling to my mind rivers.  I love, love, love the Rhett Walker Band's song "Come to the River."  On the right is a little sketch I did one night after listening to the song over and over again.  I can remember that this past Easter morning on the way to church, I heard this song and sang my little heart out to it.  God keeps calling me to lay myself down and drink from his river.  In the Breaking Free study by Beth Moore, she talks about how God's peace is like a river and it washes over the bumps and turns of life.  She quoted Isaiah 48:18- " Your peace would have been like a river."  If we listen to God, we too can have a peace like a river.  She said that just because we have that peace doesn't mean that we isolate ourselves off or our lives become still.  Instead she said the peace we can receive is "submission to a trustworthy Authority, not resignation from all activity."  Wow.  I feel like there are so many things in this walk to become more dependent on God that I truly haven't submitted to Him, which is causing me to not have his peace.  For example, I really felt like I should let God be more in control of my finances and not to trust in my stack.  Totally hard for me.  I've tithed and I do support other ministries.  However, I really don't like to see my savings account at a certain level. But instead of depending on God to provide, I have tried in the past to do it myself.  This January, He provided me with an opportunity for a part-time job tutoring, which has helped with the Dave Ramsey baby steps I'm on.  However, the first boulder in my river popped up when I needed new tires.  Ugh.  I thought to myself, there goes part of the emergency fund I'VE worked so hard for. I hope you caught that.  Not the emergency fund God provided, but my emergency fund.  Yup.  So I've had to repent and let go of my finances once again.  Submit to God's Authority over that area.  

    Last Sunday, I went to a local art festival with a couple of my sweet friends.  We happened upon a  photographer who had these amazing pictures of rivers in the woods.  I really liked this one here to the left because it has the peace of the river following over the rocks, as well as the beautiful trees.  (Oh yeah, and my secret retreat cabin with an art room.)  I love this picture and can even smell the freshness of the woods.  I knew that I had to get this picture.  Then Miss LE found this picture:

       Beautiful, isn't it?  It so describes God's peace.  When we submit to His peaceful authority, it covers all the rocks and troubles of our life.  I can hear the rushing water sound.  The water just keeps on coming.  If we were to dam up the river, then the water would stop.  But as long as we keep it open, the water never stops coming.  All much like the peace of God.  If we don't allow it in our lives, it stops and we become dry.  If we allow it to come, then it will come over us everyday.  I think for me, the hardest part is that I am having to ask for that peace every morning when I wake up. I wish that when I woke up in the morning, it would already be there.  In some areas it is, but in other areas, I am still having to lay myself down at the the feet of the Lord and accept His will.  As Beth Moore put it, "The path of peace is paved with knee-prints.  Bend the knee to your heart to the all-powerful, all-sufficient, all-knowing Creator of heaven and earth."  So, who is coming to the river with me, laying our burdens down, and finding a peace-covered heart instead?

  

Soulful Sunday

I love this song!  It is a heart song of mine.  As I've been going with God on a journey of healing and restoration, He has placed the imagery of a river of peace in my life.  I always belt this one out when comes on the radio!  "Thirst no more..."

What I'm Listening to Wednesday

Ok, I'll admit.  I do like off the beaten path artists.  I enjoy some Florence and the Machine a lot.  I know they are not everyone's cup of tea or that even everyone has heard of them, but give this song a chance.  It spoke to me in so many ways as I am on this own personal journey.  Here are my favorite lines:  "Shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa, and it's hard to dance with a devil on your back, so shake him off, oh whoa.

'Cause I am done with my graceless heart, so tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart."  I am in the process of shaking the devil off my back.  I am finished with being graceless to myself and I'm starting over with looking at myself through God's grace and perspective.  "Shake it out, shake it out."

Ooo-Lala! Its fun to feel FANCY!!!

Today was a total gift day from God!  You see, our school had the pleasure of hosting the illustrator, Robin Preiss Glasser.  She has worked on many books, but what she is best known for is the Fancy Nancy series.  I love Fancy Nancy.  I think that she speaks to that five year old girl in me that loves to be fancy!  Last fall, after I was hired at my school, I heard that they had "Fancy Nancy" day because the illustrator has visited the school the previous year.  I was so bummed!  I missed the opportunity to see one of my favorite illustrators in person and dress fancy!  But because we have such an awesome and wonderful librarian at our school, Mrs. Glasser asked if she could come back!  So we got to have Fancy Nancy day again!  Perfect excuse for me to wear my ooo-lalala tutu and sparkley black dress!  Oh and my red suede ballet slippers!  So very fancy!  I loved hearing Mrs. Glasser  talk about how she gathers her inspiration for all of the pictures for the book.  I learned so much about the world of publishing and how a book is created.  It really is a very complex process.  I also was very much in awe of her because she had two of the four careers I wanted as a child.  Mrs. Glasser was a ballet dancer before she became an artist/illustrator.  The little girl and me was "Wooow.  I want to be you when I grow up!"  (BTW, the other two were teacher and doctor.)  I think I enjoyed it as much as the kids!  Total gift number one from God today!
       With Fancy Nancy in the house, you have to dress fancy, which included my class dressed fancy as well.  I loved that one boy wore a tie and dress shirt.. You don't have to be a girl to be fancy...ANYONE can get spiffed up!  I had lots of twirly skirts, sparkles and feather boas from the girls in class.  One little sweetheart even had a tiara on!  It some how made them all want to act fancy all day, including when we ate lunch in our classroom.  We each lunch in the classroom everyday and so we always pick an imaginary place where we are eating.  Today one of the boys wanted us to eat at a fancy restaurant that was "full of dark wood and candles."  After we decided on that, he wanted us to have some fancy music to listen to, so he asked me, "Miss L?  Do you have any fancy music?  Like Frank Sinatra?  Frank Sinatra is fancy."  I cracked up!  So very funny!  How in the world did a six year old know that Frank Sinatra would be totally appropriate for our fancy lunch?  Not to mention how he went on that he was a huge fan of Frank Sinatra.  His parents, you get an A in parenting today!  I told him that I didn't have any Frank Sinatra but I happened to have my favorite movie soundtrack, Return to Me, with Dean Martin on it.  I said that Dean was a friend of Frank's, so it was the same kind of music.  He approved and we listened to Dean and some classic jazz for lunch, and according to the aide, they loved it!  Total gift number two today from God!

    Finally, and this was such a little gift that went so deep within my soul.  You see, I've been reading through Captivating by the Eldredges, on this journey to truly heal some soul wounds and believe the truth as the daughter of the King.  In the book they talk about how when women are little, they just want to be told that they are beautiful and twirl the pretty dress they are wearing.  This desire to feel pretty doesn't go away as she gets older.  Instead, it can be channeled in a negative way, or repressed, Instead, they encourage women to embrace it and accept that as a woman, there is a need(and it is ok) to feel beautiful.  As I was walking out with my class to the car line, I ran into a co-worker who gushed at how fancy I looked.  She said, "Miss L, twirl around, let's see it."  I played along and twirled around, and then I had to giggle.  The little Amy inside of me was exploding from joy at this wonderful day, especially getting to pretend that for a minute as the happy, carefree little girl who twirls and delights in her fancy clothes.  As I thought about that random, silly encounter, I really felt God tell me that is how He delights in me.  I may not get to dress fancy all the time on the outside, but I can be that way on the inside.  I can carry myself with confidence because He sees me as that daughter.  The little daughter who can feel pretty and have joy.  Psalm 139:14- "I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Your works are wonderful, I know that full well."  Tonight, I'm still twirling in the presence of God, smiling all the way.  Total gift number three today from God!

Amy The Faithful

My Lifegroup and I are currently reading through Pastor Craig Groeschel's Altar Ego.  At the beginning, Pastor Craig challenges us to lay down labels that people have put upon us during our life.  I've always struggled with being super full of anxiety, even just saying that being a worrier is part of my personality type.  I've always wanted to be "Amy the Faithful,' that woman who looks at the future and laughs at it because she knows that God is in control.  I'm striving to believe this truth in my life.

Last week, I has an opportunity for some truth to be spoken into my life.  This person spoke to me that I am steadfast.  As soon as that was said, I wanted to look around the room to make sure that it wasn't about someone else.  But I knew God's truth had just been spoken over my life.  I knew that it was His words...because words do matter...He sees me as "Amy the Steadfast."  That night, I was working though my daily activity for the day in "Breaking Free,"  the lesson was about  King Jotham.


2 Chronicles 27:6  states, "Jotham grew powerful because he walked steadfastly before the Lord his God."  Whoa.  Um, is anyone else's Godincience Alarm going off or is it just me?  Jotham was blessed because he was steadfast in his relationship with God.  I then began searching for other verses that had steadfast in them, and up came up several verses that I have been praying over my life the past few weeks, like Isaiah 26:3- "You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast,  because they trust in you."  Then I felt led to look up the word faithful in the dictionary.  And look at one of the synonyms for it... STEADFAST.   Yup, my mind was racing and exploding with the Holy Spirit at the same time.  Especially when I felt God tell me it is done.  I don't have to work to become "Amy the Faithful."  It is done.  God, wonderful, loving, and powerful God has made me "Amy the Faithful...Amy the Steadfast."  When I rest in God, my cornerstone in life, I am resting in the truth that my works are done.  I receive from Him by His grace this new name and identity.  There is no question of who I am now.  I am Faithful.  I am Steadfast.  I am His Beloved.  I am the Daughter of the Most High King.

What I'm Listening to Wednesday

With all the beautiful weather this week as well as feeling lighter in my soul and heart, I figured it was time for one of my favorite songs.  I just love Brooke Fraser and her voice!  This song always makes me think of driving around on a sunny day with the ones you love!  Enjoy!!