Friends are important at all stages, yet never seem quite as vital as when you are a single adult. Sometimes though, it can be difficult to make that lasting connection. I can remember watching episodes of Friends, in it's actual airing, btw, because I am that old, and thinking when you get to be an adult, you have to find those kind of friends to do life with. In fact, I can remember in college, one of my professors talked about how there was a new developmental phenomenon arising because of the influence of Friends. She called it a tribe because it was a group of young adults that did everything together. I remember her saying that it would be interesting to see the effect, such as changed family bonds, delayed marriages, etc. arise from this new tribe mentality.
Now maybe there are people out there who have these Friends-esque tribes they run around in. I'll be honest. I really don't. In fact, if I think really hard for a minute, probably the last time I had a big group of coed friends around me was during college. As I've moved into adulthood, I still have friends around me, but often they are smaller (and now according to Facebook, I'm learning they are very intertwined) and purposeful. I have friends that I work with. I have friends that I do Bible study with. I have friends that I meet for coffee. I have friends I take dance class with. I have friendships that started because their child was in my class. I have friends that know me heart and soul, and luckily for me, they still choose to be my friend. I have college friends I still see. All of these groups of friends converge to make one giant group of friends- a community, instead of a small exclusive tribe.
As a single adult, I'm challenging other single adults...please make a large community for yourself. Don't make a tribe. I know TV has glamorized the single persons' tribe. However, in my heart, I feel like the more fulfilling option is to build a community for yourself. In fact this morning, I was reading about Nehemiah working to rebuild Jerusalem after the years of captivity. The way it was accomplished was through many men working on many parts. Together they rebuilt the physical community to allow for spiritual community. I know it can be easy as a single to only want to hang out with other singles. I get it. Sometimes there's only one more conversation about couplehood you can take. But in addition to your single friends, have friends of all types. I know I've received lots of wise council from people in my community that I may not have listened to if I was only looking for a tribe. Let many types of people into your life and watch as you grow and transform to something better. We all need it! So if you are feeling lonely, dear single friend, don't look to build a Friends tribe. Instead, stop to build a diverse community around you of friends of people of all ages and walks. It will make your life richer.
