Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Prayer, Part 2

As I've continued to read The Circle Maker, I've found myself flip flopping on my opinion of it. There are some good points, however I'm not sure it's going to be a go to for me in prayer. Thoughts?

One thing I did like about Batterson's section titled "Praying Through" was the idea of incorporating praise into prayer.  In the book, he says to start praising God for the prayer being answered. All of the examples he gives end according to the person praying's desires. However, I've had a recent experience where that wasn't the case. But being able to praise God in my prayers let me deal with disappointment in a God honoring way.

I felt like things were at a stand still on three things I was requesting from God. I started to praise God for a lot of things I wanted to happen as if they already happened. That didn't feel genuine to me, so I just started to pray praises to God for who He is, not what I wanted Him to do.  Suddenly my shift in my prayers went from what I wanted to focused on God.  As God told me no on certain things, I was sad but felt a peace. I think it was because I know that God is in control. God is sovereign. If things didn't happen like I desired, it is because His ways are not only higher than my understanding but they are also BETTER.

Tonight, our LifeGroup met for a worship, word, and prayer night. As we mixed our prayers with the reading of The Word and the worship of God, the atmosphere changed. I know I felt tired and worn out when we started but at the end I was feeling better and full of HOPE.

My challenge to you is this: instead of making your prayer list a list of requests to God all the time, stop. Stop and spend some time refocusing on Him and who He is. You may not understand all of His ways and you may not be happy tomorrow. But worshiping and affirming the truth of God in your prayers will elevate them to where the enemy cannot touch and put them right in the palm of God's hands.  God will move in your heart and you will be recalibrated to His Rhythm of Grace. 

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Chosen, Set Apart, Loved

"This is the beginning of how husbands and wives forbear and forgive. They are blown away by being chosen, set apart, and loved by God. Plead with The Lord that this would be the heartbeat of your life and your marriage."- John Piper

     It may seem odd for a single gal to write a post on marriage, but I feel like God has changed so much in my mind about marriage I wanted to share it with you as well.
     In the summer of 2012, God placed Jeremiah 18:1-5 in my life. I've blogged about it before, and how that image of God molding me has never really left my mind. God continues to mold me again and again, and in some places I can see why He is molding me in a certain way.
Since the start of 2013, I know God is pursuing me to grow in dependence upon Him. He has reminded me over and over that I was known by Him before I was born to do the good works He has prepared for me (Psalm 139:13; Ephesians 2:10). I know that I am chosen. Recently, through my LifeGroup and staff devotionals, God is reminding me to become set apart, to live a holy life for Him, to be holy because that is what He is (1 Peter 1:15-16). I am trying to walk in His way out of love and to bring glory and honor to His name. Most of all, I know that I am beautiful and loved by Him (Psalm 45:11, John 3:16). He is enthralled with my beauty and loves me so much that He sent His son on a rescue mission to die for my sins so I could spent eternity with Him.
     The way God has molded my clay heart this year in these three ways has truly blown me away. I am more alert and alive to His love and character. It is such a spectacular yet intimate feeling, I cannot put it into words. Yet, I can see the peace in all the hard times of growing and change. God has definitely changed my heartbeat.
     I'll admit, I've felt silly digging these ditches God has called me to dig. But, I've read some great resources on how to view men from a Godly not worldly perspective. Men are not the idiot to be scoffed and laughed at, as depicted by commercials and sitcoms. God has created them with a unique set of characteristics that I've learned to see from God's point of view and respect. (Now, I understand that sometimes men do dumb things...but don't we all? Or is it just me? Sometimes I feel like the queen of dumb things. Like forgetting about a load of laundry for two days, so they were so wrinkled I had to wash it again. It's called being human, right?). Lately God has laid on my heart marriage, so I'm taking the plunge by gaining understanding about how He has created and designed marriage. Suddenly all of this growing of 2013 doesn't seem that crazy. Sure I've been tired and stretched to my human limits, but I feel that perhaps I'm getting a tiny glimpse into why. God is definitely molding me to be more like His Son...and I believe that He is molding me for a purpose, for a marriage that will stand out in this age of darkness and bitterness around marriage. I pray my life and my future marriage are so rooted in Christ that it exudes His love and grace and draws others into a forever relationship with God. I'm thankful for this period of waiting in order to be built up so I can walk ahead strong and courageous, not in fear or worry. I'm thankful my secular worldview of marriage has been replaced with God's truth. I'm thankful that He has helped me to walk in patience and to really exercise Christian forgiveness. Most of all, I'm thankful for how much more I'm in love with God. He will truly fill and blow your mind if you let Him. After all, Ephesians 3:20 states, "God can do far more than you could ask or imagine." 

Thursday, August 8, 2013

More Small Beginnings...

Last week I posted about finally conquering fear and beginning my Teachers Pay Teacher store. In the post, I wrote about how God had given me a verse from Zechariah 4:10- "Do not despise the small beginnings.". Again the phrase of small beginnings came up as I read my devotion plan this morning over the life of Elisha. 

In this part of his life retold in 2 Kings 3:1-27, we see a huge conflict facing three kings. Their enemy Moab is rearing ahead to defeat them. The King of Israel is in a panic state. The King of Judah remains calm and asks the King of of Israel if there is a prophet, which invites God back into their situation. The King of Israel sends for Elisha, who tells the leaders that God wants them to dig ditches and then in the morning, it will be filled with water. All of that seems very small in perspective of the battle. God being the awesome and faithful God He is, sends water to full those ditches. Meanwhile, the Moabites see the water in the ditches and because the sun reflecting off the water, they think it is blood. They come to the conclusion the three kings fought and killed each other, so they head into Israel in a relaxed state, ready to plunder. Instead, when they get to Israel, the armies are waiting and they drive the Moabites out of Israel. Then the Israelites go into Moab and find victory there as well. 

A large, mind boggling victory came to the people of God after they started small. God told Elisha to tell the people His directions. The people followed, even though it may not have made sense. A victory happened in a way they could not have planned. 

I know that in my life right now I have acted more like the King of Israel than the King of Judah. I've looked at all the things I have to do to have my classroom ready. From reorganizing to lesson planning, my mind hardly slows down these days. I have a thousand ideas for my Teacher Pay Teacher store and not enough time to do it all. In my personal life, I feel like all I can see is defeat up ahead. I know I have been called to do some things specifically, and I've started to dig the ditches, but I won't lie, when I look with my eyes of flesh and not faith, I have no idea how that ditch will be filled with water.  Instead of hitting the panic mode, I need to be more like the King of Judah and invite God back into my situation. I need to stop feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. I need to be still and start small while listening to God's guidance in my situations. He will honor my small starts by coming into my life and "doing more than I could ever ask or imagine." (Ephesians 3:20)

I leave you all with this challenge. What Moab type forces are you facing? Write it down, give it a name. Pray about it and then be still. Invite God back into the situation.  Listen to the small start, the ditch digging guidance He is giving you. Go forward in that, and watch as God brings the victory into your life. 

Monday, July 29, 2013

Don't Let Small Beginnings Stop You...

I'll admit, I am a creative person.  It is one of the things I enjoy about teaching.  I love creating new forms and ways for students to learn about something.  I remember that was one of the things when I worked as a teaching assistant that one of the teacher commented on.  In fact, I always got her art projects because of it.  When I was in grad school and working at the university preschool, I created a whole lesson and activity around "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes."  My roommate again commented on how creative it looked!  Once I started teaching back in 2007, I would always create things for my students to do.  A few years ago, the website, Teachers Pay Teachers started.   I remember looking at things and seeing, "Hey, I probably could do that."  I even had other teacher say, "Hey, you could probably do that."  But I was always afraid.  Afraid it wouldn't be good enough.  Afraid of failure.

There comes a time though, the time to stop being afraid.   There comes a time to take a leap of faith and just do what you know you can do.  I can use my creative abilities and trust that God will do the rest with my Teachers Pay Teachers store items.  I was trying to be too perfect, cover too much material, and basically start off with the million dollar product.  Instead, God gave me this verse a few weeks ago:  "Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin..."(Zechariah 4:10 NLT).  I felt that was a kick in the pants.  Start small, it is ok.  God just wants me to start.  So with that in mind, today I finally uploaded a Back-To-School math theme for my Teachers Pay Teachers store.  I've promoted it the best ways I know- through social media of Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest.  It really is something small compared to most sellers, but you know what?  It is a start.  The store is open now.  I'm now looking at the next small step, and that is to complete the rest of the Back-to-School theme with a reading component by the end of this week.

It feels great to do something with the gifts God has given me.  It also feels really great to punch fear in the face and obey.  I'm excited to see what He does with these small beginnings, knowing that He will be faithful.

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Saturday's List: Where I've Been for a Month!

1. First big news from the past month: THE NURSE GOT MARRIED! It was an amazing day! All the planning and stressing came together and a beautiful, God-filled day happened. You see, as much as they wanted a smooth wedding day, things kept coming up to derail their joy. First the church had to be changed because of some flooding. Then the organist got pneumonia. It seemed like it was one thing after another. However, on the actual day, God was there, piecing it all together. I couldn't get the Nurse's sash tied, and was to the point of watching a YouTube video on it, when the flower girl's mom came in and saved the day. Then we were trying to call in a delivery lunch, which said we were out of delivery radius, when the flower girl's grandpa offered to pick it up. Over and over God whispered and showed up. And over and over I was reminded of Psalm 45:11. It was a great day! Here's the link to the pictures: http://amandagracephotography.zenfolio.com/p687638377 .

2. I've been busy tutoring all summer. It has been fun at times, while other times the fun level dips to a negative level. It's the first time I've encounter some kids that I really have to ask God to give me the eyes to see them the way He sees them. I've really had to learn to rely on Him to be patient and kind when I see those kids walk through the door and have a seat.

3. I've been quite the local theatre supporter, going to see 9to5, and Hairspray this month. Both are really fun shows and I may or may not have quietly sung along to both. :-)

4. Last weekend, I went to visit Miss A and her family. They were very gracious to host me despite Miss A being pregnant with Little PBJ, getting ready to move, and "Mulan"'s six birthday. I played Barbies, helped pack (which Miss A informed I've done before), and watched some good 90s Nickelodeon shows. I'm so blessed by their friendship!

5. God and I are having an in-the-desert wrestling match over who is in control. I'll be honest, I have a lot of anxiety over school starting in two weeks. I grew to love my class in a deep way last year, and I know it won't be the same. I'm afraid of the unknown with the new class. Not to mention there has been some moving around with different staff positions, so I feel like everything is all different. Miss T, one of my team members sent me this guest post from Ann Voskamp's blog: http://www.aholyexperience.com/2013/07/when-your-spirit-hungers-how-to-be-done-with-worry/. I read it and realized that most of my prayers lately were worry and fear messages to God. If I believe He is who He says He is, then why am I worried? God goes before me, beside me, and after me. He doesn't leave or fore sake me. I need to look to Him and TRUST.

6. The last thing I've been wrestling with God is what I like to call Digging Ditches. You see, the past seven months, God has done and will continue to do a work to change my heart. He has removed trash, helped me conquer fears, and restored hope. I know that I am a completely different person and that has bled over into all my outlooks on life, ideas about parenting, finances, and even marriage. As I've finished my very personal journey with Jesus, He placed a phrase "digging ditches," on my heart. I didn't understand until I prayed more, and now I'm currently reading Wild at Heart and For Women Only. Both are excellent about how to view men from a Godly, Christ-like perspective. It truly is helping to break down stereotypes and affirm truthful things I've encountered about men. I went back and listened to a 2011 Steven Furtick message called "Digging Ditches" because I've been very intrigued by this phrase God gave me. I thought I hadn't heard it, but as I listened, it was a good reminder that in order to receive God's blessings we have to follow the Holy Spirit and do prep work sometimes. Initially when I thought about all this ditch digging, I thought, well that means God is finally bringing my two into my life. I mean if I was in control of my life, that's what I'd say is happening.  After praying and being still, and surrendering control back over to God, I'm just resting in the mystery of the ditch digging. I've learned that sometimes God asks us to do something or shows us something and because His ways are higher, we misinterpret them with our feeble minds. Yes, I feel like I'm "ditch digging". Yes, it has to do with changing my perspective on men. Do I know what the outcome is? Nope. But I can trust that God will fill that ditch with what He choses. Maybe it will be a spouse. Maybe I'm going to have a rugged boy-filled classroom this year. Whatever way the ditch is filled, I need to stop trying to grasp control from God and surrender to the mystery.

7. Finally, I've unleashed my inner decorator and redid my bedroom! Pictures below:

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Come with me...

Last week, in my journey to deconstruct my walls that I had erected in my life, Jesus led me to this scripture in the Beth Moore study I'm doing.  It is from Song of Solomon, a book I normally skip because I think, "That stuff is for married people.  When I get married one day, I will read through it."  However, it was a really sweet and tender passage, just the right group of 'honey words' I needed to hear:
 My beloved spoke and said to me,
    “Arise, my darling,
    my beautiful one, come with me.
See! The winter is past;
    the rains are over and gone.
Flowers appear on the earth;
    the season of singing has come,
the cooing of doves
    is heard in our land.
The fig tree forms its early fruit;
    the blossoming vines spread their fragrance.
Arise, come, my darling;
    my beautiful one, come with me.” - Song of Solomon 2:10-13

I really felt like the Spirit was speaking this directly to me.  The hard time of "winter" in my life of having to lay down control, pride, and sadness is over.  God is creating and renewing a Spring season in my life now.  The hard work of pruning is over and I am beginning to bear some fruit and radiate the scent of Christ to others.  I just need to grab the hand of Jesus and let Him lead me out of these walls and start walking with Him.  As I was praying about this idea of just walking and not knowing where this journey would lead, an image very similar to the picture below came to mind:

     Bob Goff talks about our life with Jesus as an adventure in his book Love Does.  It is an excellent read.  The first time, the second time, probably even the 400th time.  I feel like after reading and re-reading, I know this guy on a personal level, so I'm going to refer to him as Bob.  (He probably would be ok with that.)  Some of my favorite chapters in the book are about how he pursues his wife and his account of his children's ten-year old adventures.  Bob says this at the end of describing the adventures, "Even though Jesus' disciples were older, they must have felt like my kids did on their ten-year-old adventures.  they saw joy and suffering, triumph and tragedy, and in the end there was just a man, an idea, and an invitation without a lot of details.  The disciples were unschooled and ordinary like my kids, like all of us.  Yet they didn't need all the details because they were on an adventure with a father who wanted to take them.  You don't need to know everything when you're with someone you trust."  
     Bob is right.  Jesus is calling me to come with Him.  I don't know the details of this journey.  But I can trust God that what is ahead will be what He has allowed to come into my life so I can be a best witness of His love and glory to others.  I'm grabbing His hand and we are walking ahead....Destination: Heaven. Details to get there, like sights to see or pit stops:  Unknown.  But that is OK!  :-)

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Honey is delicious!!!

Raise your hand if you love honey.  Me too.  Just like that silly old Winnie-the-Pooh Bear, I love honey.  My favorite way to eat honey is with peanut butter on a sandwich.  I love that over a PB&J any day.  (But not a PB& banana...that is my favorite...Ok, off this rabbit trail about sandwiches...) The Bible talks a lot about honey.  A lot.  I'm taking it as a great sign that my eternal destination will be filled with lots of this delicious food.  A verse that I read in my quiet time yesterday, really stuck to my heart.  I think part of it came because of a great chapel over the importance of words this past school year.  The other part came from a place of conviction which then pointed me in the right direction.  The verse is Proverbs 16:24- Kind words are like honey- sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.  Wow.  Look at the power of words.  If they are kind, they are sweet to our souls.  And we all know that kind words help us by having a healthy self-image.  Because the chapel this year focused on speaking the kind words to others, I've thought about that verse in the way I relate to others.  Can I say something to encourage?  If I feel a prompting to send someone a kind text message or email that day, can I do it?  What if I sent a fun and caring card to a friend I haven't talked to in a long time?  All of that is important.  But reading Proverbes 16:24 yesterday morning, hit another chord after meeting with some of my lifegroup for a prayer night the night before.

You see, just like what several of us shared, I have struggled with negative self-talk as long as I can remember.  I can remember thinking such negative thoughts about myself that I went down the road of eating disorders and depression.  After years of therapy, prayer, and digging into God's word, I know the truth about myself through Jesus' perspective.  I felt sad when I realized I've deprived myself of sweetness and health for many years.  I do try very hard to take those negative thoughts captive to break that chain and walk away from that lifestyle.  However, when life starts to get rough, guess what rears its ugly self again?  Yup, you guessed it.  Those words that are bitter and sick to the body.  I know when I find myself under stress it is hard to feel positive.  And the first place those positive thoughts flee from are about myself.  Another awesome pastor, Pete Wilson, wrote this great book called Plan B, which changed my perspective about life when I read it during the summer of 2010.  In it, he stated that when we are tired, the devil just takes it as an opportunity to attack because we won't feel like putting up the fight.  Truer words were never spoken.  I haven't been sleeping that well for the past month, so I do feel tired.  And when I'm tired, you probably have guessed it, I don't feel like a truth teller to myself.

My friends, I'm here to encourage you.  Let's stop the negative words to ourselves.  Let's stop thinking we aren't good enough at ______.  Refuse to entertain those words that kill and create sour spirits.  Instead, speak "honey" words to yourself today.  You are loved by the most high God.  You are a member of a Royal Priesthood.  He has equipped you with the strength you need for your day.  He knit you together inside your mother.  God has plans for you, he wants to give you that hope and that future that will exceed your imagination and prayers.  I know that I am going to give myself this little honey pep talk today, maybe even several times, to heal the wounds from the past few weeks.  Let's set ourselves free and feast on honey!

Monday, June 3, 2013

Patience, Pt.3

     I love Elevation Church out in North Carolina, which is pastored by Steven Furtick.  I know it is weird to say that you love a church you have never actually visited in person, but I do.  Pastor Steven Furtick is mentored by the senior pastor of the church I attend, LifeChurch.tv, so the first time I heard about Elevation was back in 2008ish.  I remember that Pastor Furtick had this crazy platinum hair and jacket on, and at first glance I wasn't so sure about this dude.  But he preached, and ever since then, I've been a pretty loyal podcast listener.  The guy preaches with so much fire for God, you cannot help but be impacted by the power of God's truth.  
       As I've struggled with impatience lately, God has sent this sermon series at just the right time to speak life into my heart.  The first sermon in the series is entitled "The Greatest Source of My Frustration." Ah, I thought to myself.  Good.  I can get to the source of what is frustrating me, causing me to be impatient and then get rid of it in my life.  Pastor Furtick used Luke 10 where Jesus visits Mary and Martha as the Biblical illustration.  I made it through the first 3 points, just listening away when BAM! It hit me right between the eyes.  Pastor Furtick stated, "You get frustrated when you confuse God's purpose and expectations for yourself with your purpose and expectations for yourself."  You see, the source of my frustration with myself lately is because I have wanted my purpose for life to happen.  I'll be honest, High School Amy is a little crushed at life right now. Even College Amy is probably disappointed.  When I was 18, I had planned in my mind that I would be married at 23, a mom at 25, and enjoying motherhood right now.  I probably would have had a part time job where I was a counselor, helping people get healthy mentally. In college, I had moved the marriage age to 25-28, be a mom at 30, and working at a community college teaching "Intro to World Religions."   Instead, as Pastor Furtick put it, "God wrecks your plans so you have to cling to Him and go deeper with Him.  He wants to fill in that gap."  Whoa. Seriously? I mean, God, really?  We probably could have gone deeper with my plan, right?  I guess not.
   It made me think about God's purpose for me over the past six years. If I had followed my plan, I wouldn't have been able to let my life live out His purpose for me. I think about all the kids and families God has allowed me to touch for Him. I think about how because of my singleness I can show other young women that our lives should be focused on knowing God more, not finding our Mrs. Title by giving into fear by settling. You will survive if all your friends get married, I promise. :-) I think about how I can serve in the kids ministry at church because I can find joy in each kiddo. My attitude might be different if I had my own family. I may not even have the desire to serve! God's purpose for me is definitely greater than any dream or plan I had. I need to change my perspective and look from my Father's eyes at my life, and not my eyes. Then the frustration and impatience will cease.
  Forgive me God for being frustrated and impatient for what you have called me to do for You right now. If I lay my dreams down in Your hands, I know that you will allow them to come back in the way you have intended them to manifest in my life so that Your glory would be made known. Give me the eyes to see Your purpose for me in life. In Jesus' Name, Amen

Friday, May 31, 2013

Patience, pt.2

Raise your hand if you took a Griswold-style road trip that never seemed to end? I think the most of us have. I'll never forget in college, we road tripped it out West for a conference in a church "people mover." You know what a people mover is, its that second vehicle the church owns that is one step up from a van but not quite the luxury of a chartered bus. My friend, Miss A, and I sat in the very back of the people mover. Everything was fantastic until we hit the hot Arizona desert. Suddenly the back of the mover was HOT. The Dora video that was playing for our campus pastor's children became super annoying. People were getting cranky. Everyone wanted to get off as soon as possible. I'll never forget getting to the church in San Diego that was our stop for the night and feeling so thankful I was free from the people mover. I was glad we had reached our destination.
     In the Bible, we read about Noah and his long trip on the ark with his family and the animals. Until this year, I always thought Noah and crew were only on the ark the forty days and nights. But when we read Genesis 7&8 carefully, we see God made it rain for forty days and nights. Noah was actually on the ark for 230 days before he sent out the raven to see if dry land appeared. Then, almost 100 days after that, Noah and his family were allowed to leave the ark. If you've crunched the numbers with me, you can see Noah was on the ark for 330 days, almost an entire year!! Talk about the world's longest road trip! And the patience needed to endure it! I would have gone crazy! I think after the dove came back with the olive branch, I would have tried to climb out of the ark to get away from the zoo and even to get a break from family! But not Noah or his family. They remained steadfast in patience until the time God appointed them to leave the ark. 
    Are you there with what you are waiting for? Can you almost see God's promise for you being fulfilled? You have received that long awaited job offer, but you still have to finish out a month left to your current job. Perhaps you finally can see the degree you've worked on in sight, but you have six more months of classes. Maybe you're getting married soon and you are just ready for life to begin together, but you have a month left before that happens. It's hard to have patience and wait when you can see the promised dreams are going to be soon fulfilled. In fact, it's probably even more tempting at this point to take matters into our own hands and rush the dream along. 
     Noah's story teaches us this. Even though it may look like its time for the promise or dream to be fulfilled, we must still exercise patience and wait on God's timing. Even though the dove brought back an olive branch, signaling the receding waters, Noah doesn't leave the ark. When he sends out the dove and it doesn't come back, Noah still doesn't leave the ark.  Instead, he waits. Then God has him remove the covering of the ark. Noah can see the land dry. The promise of God is about to be fulfilled. Does Noah gather everyone up and lead the praise procession off the ark? Nope. Noah waits 57 more days. Finally, God gives him the go ahead to leave the ark.
     God has a specific time and purpose to what He calls us in life to do. God wants to fulfill those promises and dreams, but in HIS time, not ours. It can be hard to be patient and wait when we we are so close to realization, but that is when we need to look to Him and ask for a spiritual renewal of patience. Don't give up and rush ahead. Instead, like Noah, stop, wait, pray, and listen. And when the green light happens, run after that promise or dream with utter abandonment, knowing God is right there cheering you on. He has removed the obstacles, so that when you get to that dream, it is smooth sailing! And just like when you feel relief and thankfulness after a long road trip, stop and do what Noah and his family did, they stopped and built an altar for sacrifice and thanksgiving to God. You have finally received what you have waited for...be grateful.

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Patience, Pt. 1

These past two weeks were filled with my impatient heart. It all started on Mother's Day at church. I cannot tell you how many people wished me a "Happy Mother's Day." I smiled and just nodded, accepting the greeting. I didn't have the heart to correct them and just tried to take it as God reminding me of future plans and dreams. I wish that would have been the end of the impatience, but like the Fib in "Larry-Boy and the Fib Monster from Outer Space," the impatience grew and grew, fueled by many circumstances. Creating an odd number at dinner one night. If only I was married, it would have been an all even number and we would have had better seating arrangements. Wearing my new pink dress for kindergarten graduation and having my mom say, "Where's that guy to take you to dinner in that dress?" Bursting out singing "All the Single Ladies" as a joke and then hearing, "you're the total package, who wouldn't want you in their life." Even being offered to have an eHarmony membership paid for me. All these things added up to a huge spirit of impatience and discontentment. Finally the impatience monster exploded after I prayed about all these things and I felt God lay on my heart one word: patience. Really God? Um, in case you forgot, I'm over 30 now. Patience? God, what do you think I've been doing? Patience? God, even all the "newer" people in my Lifegroup are getting married and I'm just that old, single schoolteacher of the group.

After my impatience explosion and some wise council from my accountability partner, I prayed again. God said patience again. (You have to love the consistency God has with us. He never changes.) Ok, God, I'll be patient. Then I saw this tweet from Christine Caine: "You have fought too hard, too long & come too far to give up, go back or crumble now! Having done all else, STAND!" Ok, God, I'll continue to stand in patience for You. I will stand in your patience for your best and your timing.  I will not crumble under my impatience.

This morning, during my quiet time, I looked up verses about patience in the Bible. After all, if I'm going to stand in patience, then I better have God's word as my foundation. So, my next few blog are going to be about patience in His word-and how we can take that truth and stand on it.

Part of me sighed with a heavy heart after I finished this morning. I wish I would have sought His patience sooner. It hasn't been like He hasn't tried to get my attention in that way for the past two weeks. I wish I could have dived into His truth to have peace wash over me. But God knew I was going to be impatient, and actually it feels sweeter to come to Him with the brokenness of  impatience and to let Him bind it up.  It makes me think of a child falling, scraping their knee, and then running to a parent to fix the boo-boo.  Often the child ends up in the parent's lap, in an intimate loving embrace. That is where I am, letting God fix my skinned knee impatience caused, holding me in tightly in His embrace, as He whispers to me that His patience will sustain me until His appointed time for my dreams to become a reality to give Him the most glory.  He truly loves us with a great love.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

30th Birthday...The Birthday I Just Keep Celebrating...

I'm just not normally into my birthday.  I think that since it falls on Memorial Day weekend and was after school was out, it was always hard to plan parties.  I can remember one time, I invited some friends of mine when I turned 13 to a slumber party but they couldn't come because they were going to the lake or a softball tournament.  I was really sad because I thought those girls were good friends of mine. But God has been healing this wound.  Greatly in the past year.  Now I can look at my birthday and laugh with joy because that is when God let me enter the world.

Last April/May, Miss LE and my mom organized a 30th birthday countdown.  Everyday, for 30 days leading up to my birthday, I received a small gift.  For example, on day 16, I received 16 ounces of Coke Zero.  It was so much fun and I felt so loved...definitely not forgotten by my friends.  Fast forward to six months ago, back in November, my class at OCS celebrated my half birthday!  I felt so silly until it actually happened!  My class was so excited!  My sweet homeroom mom organized this super cute project where the class filled out a page about me to them.  It was so perfect and something I will treasure forever.  Now that we are in the month of May, the class was getting excited again.  My principal honored me with wearing the "Birthday Tiara" and a cupcake last Thursday.  The class was so happy for me!  Many of the little girls tried to sneak hugs when I sat down so they could touch the tiara.  They said I looked like a princess.  I won't lie, wearing it all day brought out the ballerina in me, and made me walk taller all day long.  At the end of the day, they all serenaded me with "Happy Birthday," including cha-chas.  It didn't matter that we did this six months before, all that matter was that it was birthday time again!

Now, with my birthday coming in 14 days, I have to look back on this year and smile.  When I was 19 and imagining I was 30, I never would have imagined my life where I am right now.  There are still dreams and hopes that are currently on hold, while I wait on God.  However, could I have felt more loved?  I have felt so loved and special this year not only by the beautiful people around me, but by my Father, the one who created me.  He has truly reminded me that I am his beloved, his beautiful daughter who is a princess.  I am a masterpiece who has good works to do for God to make His glory known.  I can walk around feeling delighted in everyday because that is what He does.  No more feeling ashamed or embarrassed about my birthday.  No more feeling disappointed.  Instead, I will embrace my special day and let myself be celebrated.  After all, it is what God does to me everyday, showering me with His graceful gifts.

Monday, May 13, 2013

Mountains, Trees, and Rivers

     God uses things in His creation to often help me understand something about Him.  For example, when I was in college, I went on a ski trip with my college group.  I decided not to ski, but instead spent time with a friend who didn't want to ski.  We went snowshoeing on a beautiful hike through the mountains. (I'd totally do that again, btw.  got some awesome pictures and enjoyed the gentle, quiet pace of the forest.) I felt the vastness of the mountains and the woodlands and the sun breaking through the trees and gleaming off of the snow was showing me the greatness of God's glory, a much needed lesson at the time.  Last summer and fall, as I began surrendering all my dreams and expectations to God, the images of trees kept coming to mind, especially about how they withstand all seasons, planted and rooted firmly in the ground.  I know God was telling me that if I am planted like a tree in Him, I could survive and thrive in all seasons, even if they are seasons I'm not excited to be in.  Here are some drawings and verses from that time.  I think that it was an important truth, as a few weeks ago I was called steadfast in the Lord.  I feel like trees are so steadfast in creation as long as they stay healthy and well-tended.  If they are not planted in the right soil or deep enough, they will die.  I feel like I've listened and am growing more and more like a tree in the Lord everyday.
 


Currently though, God has been calling to my mind rivers.  I love, love, love the Rhett Walker Band's song "Come to the River."  On the right is a little sketch I did one night after listening to the song over and over again.  I can remember that this past Easter morning on the way to church, I heard this song and sang my little heart out to it.  God keeps calling me to lay myself down and drink from his river.  In the Breaking Free study by Beth Moore, she talks about how God's peace is like a river and it washes over the bumps and turns of life.  She quoted Isaiah 48:18- " Your peace would have been like a river."  If we listen to God, we too can have a peace like a river.  She said that just because we have that peace doesn't mean that we isolate ourselves off or our lives become still.  Instead she said the peace we can receive is "submission to a trustworthy Authority, not resignation from all activity."  Wow.  I feel like there are so many things in this walk to become more dependent on God that I truly haven't submitted to Him, which is causing me to not have his peace.  For example, I really felt like I should let God be more in control of my finances and not to trust in my stack.  Totally hard for me.  I've tithed and I do support other ministries.  However, I really don't like to see my savings account at a certain level. But instead of depending on God to provide, I have tried in the past to do it myself.  This January, He provided me with an opportunity for a part-time job tutoring, which has helped with the Dave Ramsey baby steps I'm on.  However, the first boulder in my river popped up when I needed new tires.  Ugh.  I thought to myself, there goes part of the emergency fund I'VE worked so hard for. I hope you caught that.  Not the emergency fund God provided, but my emergency fund.  Yup.  So I've had to repent and let go of my finances once again.  Submit to God's Authority over that area.  

    Last Sunday, I went to a local art festival with a couple of my sweet friends.  We happened upon a  photographer who had these amazing pictures of rivers in the woods.  I really liked this one here to the left because it has the peace of the river following over the rocks, as well as the beautiful trees.  (Oh yeah, and my secret retreat cabin with an art room.)  I love this picture and can even smell the freshness of the woods.  I knew that I had to get this picture.  Then Miss LE found this picture:
       Beautiful, isn't it?  It so describes God's peace.  When we submit to His peaceful authority, it covers all the rocks and troubles of our life.  I can hear the rushing water sound.  The water just keeps on coming.  If we were to dam up the river, then the water would stop.  But as long as we keep it open, the water never stops coming.  All much like the peace of God.  If we don't allow it in our lives, it stops and we become dry.  If we allow it to come, then it will come over us everyday.  I think for me, the hardest part is that I am having to ask for that peace every morning when I wake up. I wish that when I woke up in the morning, it would already be there.  In some areas it is, but in other areas, I am still having to lay myself down at the the feet of the Lord and accept His will.  As Beth Moore put it, "The path of peace is paved with knee-prints.  Bend the knee to your heart to the all-powerful, all-sufficient, all-knowing Creator of heaven and earth."  So, who is coming to the river with me, laying our burdens down, and finding a peace-covered heart instead?
  

Monday, May 6, 2013

Ooo-Lala! Its fun to feel FANCY!!!



Today was a total gift day from God!  You see, our school had the pleasure of hosting the illustrator, Robin Preiss Glasser.  She has worked on many books, but what she is best known for is the Fancy Nancy series.  I love Fancy Nancy.  I think that she speaks to that five year old girl in me that loves to be fancy!  Last fall, after I was hired at my school, I heard that they had "Fancy Nancy" day because the illustrator has visited the school the previous year.  I was so bummed!  I missed the opportunity to see one of my favorite illustrators in person and dress fancy!  But because we have such an awesome and wonderful librarian at our school, Mrs. Glasser asked if she could come back!  So we got to have Fancy Nancy day again!  Perfect excuse for me to wear my ooo-lalala tutu and sparkley black dress!  Oh and my red suede ballet slippers!  So very fancy!  I loved hearing Mrs. Glasser  talk about how she gathers her inspiration for all of the pictures for the book.  I learned so much about the world of publishing and how a book is created.  It really is a very complex process.  I also was very much in awe of her because she had two of the four careers I wanted as a child.  Mrs. Glasser was a ballet dancer before she became an artist/illustrator.  The little girl and me was "Wooow.  I want to be you when I grow up!"  (BTW, the other two were teacher and doctor.)  I think I enjoyed it as much as the kids!  Total gift number one from God today!
       With Fancy Nancy in the house, you have to dress fancy, which included my class dressed fancy as well.  I loved that one boy wore a tie and dress shirt.. You don't have to be a girl to be fancy...ANYONE can get spiffed up!  I had lots of twirly skirts, sparkles and feather boas from the girls in class.  One little sweetheart even had a tiara on!  It some how made them all want to act fancy all day, including when we ate lunch in our classroom.  We each lunch in the classroom everyday and so we always pick an imaginary place where we are eating.  Today one of the boys wanted us to eat at a fancy restaurant that was "full of dark wood and candles."  After we decided on that, he wanted us to have some fancy music to listen to, so he asked me, "Miss L?  Do you have any fancy music?  Like Frank Sinatra?  Frank Sinatra is fancy."  I cracked up!  So very funny!  How in the world did a six year old know that Frank Sinatra would be totally appropriate for our fancy lunch?  Not to mention how he went on that he was a huge fan of Frank Sinatra.  His parents, you get an A in parenting today!  I told him that I didn't have any Frank Sinatra but I happened to have my favorite movie soundtrack, Return to Me, with Dean Martin on it.  I said that Dean was a friend of Frank's, so it was the same kind of music.  He approved and we listened to Dean and some classic jazz for lunch, and according to the aide, they loved it!  Total gift number two today from God!

    Finally, and this was such a little gift that went so deep within my soul.  You see, I've been reading through Captivating by the Eldredges, on this journey to truly heal some soul wounds and believe the truth as the daughter of the King.  In the book they talk about how when women are little, they just want to be told that they are beautiful and twirl the pretty dress they are wearing.  This desire to feel pretty doesn't go away as she gets older.  Instead, it can be channeled in a negative way, or repressed, Instead, they encourage women to embrace it and accept that as a woman, there is a need(and it is ok) to feel beautiful.  As I was walking out with my class to the car line, I ran into a co-worker who gushed at how fancy I looked.  She said, "Miss L, twirl around, let's see it."  I played along and twirled around, and then I had to giggle.  The little Amy inside of me was exploding from joy at this wonderful day, especially getting to pretend that for a minute as the happy, carefree little girl who twirls and delights in her fancy clothes.  As I thought about that random, silly encounter, I really felt God tell me that is how He delights in me.  I may not get to dress fancy all the time on the outside, but I can be that way on the inside.  I can carry myself with confidence because He sees me as that daughter.  The little daughter who can feel pretty and have joy.  Psalm 139:14- "I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Your works are wonderful, I know that full well."  Tonight, I'm still twirling in the presence of God, smiling all the way.  Total gift number three today from God!


Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Holy Week: Who is Jesus?

   
Jesus by the Jesus Painter
 Today, I want to focus on Jesus' kindness.  Perhaps, through this story you can find yourself.  Perhaps you can see that you are not far from healing, even if it seems like you have been suffering a long time.  Where ever you may be, I pray that above all, you see Jesus' kindness in this encounter he had on earth.
      Before we get into Jesus's encounter, we have to have a brief Biblical history lesson.  I know, I know.  Total snoozefest for some of you.  But trust me, you have to KNOW in order to SEE.
      Women during the time of Jesus had very specific roles to play.  They were homemaker, wife, and  mother, which often made them the voiceless gender.  Jewish women were under very specific guidelines according to the laws given in Leviticus.  Because women experienced monthly bleeding through her periods or childbirth,  the laws provided a way for women to become clean again. Let’s read these laws in a paraphrase from the Message:
          Leviticus 15:19-30:  "When a woman has a discharge of blood, the impurity of her menstrual period lasts seven days. Anyone who touches her is unclean until evening. Everything on which she lies or sits during her period is unclean. Anyone who touches her bed or anything on which she sits must wash his clothes and bathe in water; he remains unclean until evening.   "If a man sleeps with her and her menstrual blood gets on him, he is unclean for seven days and every bed on which he lies becomes unclean. If a woman has a discharge of blood for many days, but not at the time of her monthly period, or has a discharge that continues beyond the time of her period, she is unclean the same as during the time of her period. Every bed on which she lies during the time of the discharge and everything on which she sits becomes unclean the same as in her monthly period. Anyone who touches these things becomes unclean and must wash his clothes and bathe in water; he remains unclean until evening. When she is cleansed from her discharge, she is to count off seven days; then she is clean. On the eighth day she is to take two doves or two pigeons and bring them to the priest at the entrance to the Tent of Meeting. The priest will offer one for an Absolution-Offering and the other for a Whole-Burnt-Offering. The priest will make atonement for her in the presence of God because of the discharge that made her unclean.”  
        Women would be considered unclean during the duration of a period, even if the blood did not touch anything.  By simply sitting on a mat or sleeping on her bed, those items were considered unclean and not to be touched by anyone wishing to remain pure.  To become clean again, both men and women would go to the mikvah, which is basically a shallow pool often near the temple and bathe.  Once a women’s period was over, or she finished her allotted time after childbirth, she would go to the mikvah to bathe and pray.  This action signaled to her family that she was clean again.  The places she sat upon are no longer unclean, she could go to temple, and her family could touch her.
     OK, so are we all caught up on our Jewish law?  Basically if a woman was bleeding, she was unclean, which meant that she was not a part of everyday society until she was clean once again.
     Which brings us to our story in Luke 8:40-48.  We find Jesus at a height in his popularity among the people.  Word had spread about this amazing religious teacher who spoke with such wisdom and also had the power to heal people from all kinds of conditions.  Jesus and his group were on their way to visit a family whose daughter was very sick, on the verge of death.  You can imagine the crowd surrounding him as he traveled, with people following, just desperate to get a glimpse of Jesus.  There was poor woman in the crowd who had lived a very isolated life for the past 12 years because she had a  bleeding condition that would make her unclean in society.  If she had a family before her condition, they probably did not have much contact.  Luke writes in verse 43 “that no one could heal her.” She probably had spent many years looking for someone to help her.  You can imagine that when she heard about Jesus, a hope was renewed.  She went to find Him, and knowing that he couldn't touch her because of the Law, she chooses to touch the edge of his clothing, hoping to finally be healed.  In response to her doing this, Jesus wants to know who touched Him because he felt his power heal her.  The women comes forward, probably very fearful that her secret would be exposed.  She explains what happened. Jesus, responds to her in KINDNESS!  He tells her that her faith has allowed her to be healed.  He then says she can go in Peace.  Jesus doesn't add to her shame, but has not only healed her physically, but emotionally as well.  She can now have a peaceful life. Remember, he is the PRINCE OF PEACE.   Jesus doesn't reject her for her uncleanliness nor get upset because she didn't follow the law in Leviticus.  He also doesn't let her encounter stop him from where he was going.  He doesn't stop and go to a mikvah because she touched him before continuing on his mission.  Jesus lets this interruption become an example of God’s kindness to all of us.
     Where do you need Jesus' kindness for your life?  Is there a wound you have been carrying around for the past twelve years?  Do you need to just reach out and touch Jesus?  Do it today.  He will show you love and kindness just like He did for the bleeding woman so many years ago.  He can heal you, just believe.


Monday, March 25, 2013

Holy Week: Who Is God?

Jesus by the Jesus Painter



     One of my favorite times of year is upon us.  I know that the majority of people get pumped up about Christmas, and while I do enjoy that holiday, Holy Week and Easter are my favorite.  Probably because I feel like that it is the one week of the year that TRUTH shines bright and you can't deny it.  Sure, you can try to cover it up by chocolate covered bunnies and savvy marketing, but you can't deny the truth:  Easter is a holiday that shows the world the truth about God.  This week, in honor of TRUTH, I'm devoting my blog to the love of my life.
    God laid on my heart a few weeks ago to journey through the book of Isaiah with Him.  Now Isaiah would not be my first choice for a quiet time study, but it is just blowing my mind away with truth about God and myself.  It definitely is re-calibrating my heart to the rhythms of His love and grace and providing my heart with some much needed healing.  Here are some truths that God has laid on my heart about who He is:

  1. God is PURE (Isaiah 1:25).  When we sin, God is clear that He will clean us and purify us because that is His nature.  Sometimes that purification process involves God doing a purging of things in our lives.  While it can be painful to let go of sin habits that keep us separated from God, take comfort that the discipline will only make us more like Him.
  2. God demands our UNDIVIDED hearts (Isaiah 2:22).  As the first commandment states, "You shall have no other Gods before god."  How easy it is to divide our hearts these days!  We may not do it with a carved statue that we bow down to, but it can subtly happen with our culture of busyness, comparison, and perfection.  We may be so focused on something else that we lose sight of our God, even if that thing we focus on is a good blessing from God.  God wants us to seek Him with our whole hearts.
  3. God is a PROMISE KEEPER (Isaiah 3:10).  God makes promises to His people, and if we are faithful and obedient, He will bless us.  If you are going through a difficult time and you feel that God has forgotten you, take heart.  He has overcome the world and will reward your faithfulness.  Keep pressing onto Him even when it looks impossible.
  4. God is HOLY and we are NOT (Isaiah 6:5).  When Isaiah comes into the full presence of God, he cannot keep from crying out about his uncleanliness.  Lately, I've found the more I've allowed God's presence into my heart, the more I feel absolutely wrecked.  I am not worthy of His lavish love.  But because of His Kindness, His Grace, I am made clean, just as Isaiah was, and can now stand in a relationship with THE HOLY GOD, even when I am not.
  5. God is my SALVATION (Isaiah 12:2).  I love this verse so much!  It reminds me that God is my salvation...He has redeemed me for eternity.  The next line cuts right to all the worry and control I try to have over my life:  "I will trust and not be afraid."  If I can trust God with my eternal salvation, then I can trust Him no matter what life throws at me.  I can live my life outside of fear, because I know that God will take care of me.   

Friday, March 15, 2013

I Love to Laugh

(If you don't know this movie or this song, then I'm not sure we can be friends!  "I Love to Laugh," Mary Poppins, 1964)

     I love to laugh.  It is why I pick most of my friends.  If you make me laugh, I'll probably be your friend.  BUT, if you let me act ridiculous around you, then I'll be your friend for life.  Last week, I posted about my Aunt Milda and her love of laughter.  I'd like to think that is who inspired me to always look for laughter!  In fact, those 'qualities-I-want-in-a-spouse' list always has sense of humor under devout Christian.  After all, you spend you're going to spend a lot of time with that person, so you better be able to laugh.

    On this journey of being pursued by God, I've experienced lots of things that have made me smile, but nothing like the out and out laughter of this week.  Tuesday, our kindergartners went to the science museum.  Now while I enjoy a good museum, it was so much fun to see and hear it with the eyes of a child.  I cracked up as I experinced a "tornado" and "solved" a crime, all while being led around by some of my students.  I laughed at the kids who got to "launch" into space!  Everything was fun and exciting. Wednesday, I had to stifle my laughter when one of my student inadvertently  made me crack up during Bible. Thank you for giant Bible pictures to hide behind.  Thursday, I had to deal with a real-life "Kindergarten Cop" scene, as well as humor some faux glasses wearers.  At tutoring this week, I have had so many chuckles and laughter. My lifegroup always brings a smile to my face, especially when we all speak before we think! Then I was cracking up with Miss LE on the phone while joking with her that her future son should be named Ulysses.  God definitely has pursued me with laughter and humor this week and I've delighted in every moment!
    I know none of the above mentioned items probably made you laugh or smile.  In fact, a lot of it is a total you-had-to-be-there moment.  However, I encourage you to go out and laugh!  Go find what what makes you smile!  Crack up so hard that you snort or cry or my favorite: BOTH!  Look for the humor and sing with me, "I love to laugh...hahahahaha!" Just like Mary Poppins and her crew rose to new heights, so can you too!  

Proverbs 17:22

The Message (MSG)

22 A cheerful disposition is good for your health;

    gloom and doom leave you bone-tired.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Thank You

Teaching kindergarten is often like herding cats. I never really know what goes into their little sponge minds or what they miss because there was something really really shiny on the floor to look at.

The past three weeks in Bible we have learned about Jesus' life on earth with His teachings and miracles to show He is the Son of God. Last week I introduced the idea of grace to the class, explaining it as the teaching manual did: God's kindness when we deserve punishment. The class seemed to really snatch the idea and run with it. I thought the only reason they did was because we have a little girl with that name in our class.

Fast forward to yesterday. I had three friends that landed on a note home to the parents spot due to their behavior. They had turned their behavior around from earlier in the day, but still couldn't quite get it to move their clip all the way up on the top. I was going to write them a note, when the Holy Spirit prompted me to tell them that I was going to show them grace today. There would be no note home.they were genuinely happy. They said I was being kind even when I didn't need to. Then, without them seeing each other, all three came up individually and thanked me for the grace: "Miss L, thank you so much for the grace today," "Thank you for the grace. I'll try harder tomorrow." "Thanks for the grace."

I'm praying that the lesson of showing them grace is more impactful in shaping their heart for The Lord than any note I could have written yesterday. I pray that their thankfulness lays a foundation for them to accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior.

As for me, it impacted me greatly and reminded me that Eucharisteo truly is the gateway to grace and joy. And also to not be so skeptical if their little ears are listening and learning during Bible because apparently they are!

Monday, March 11, 2013

Hope After the Rain




For those of you that were in Oklahoma City this past Saturday, there was a torrential downpour around 2:30 in the afternoon.  I've never seen so much rain pour!  Especially when in the car...it is not my favorite thing to have try to navigate and trust that the road is still there, even when you can't see it.  At the end of the day, God painted a beautiful picture across the sky.  First, the golden sun started to barely break through the grays and the cobalt blues.  My mom called it a "Jesus Returning" sky.  She said she loves it when the sky looks like at any moment He will break through with all His glory.  Then the sky moved from the dusty blues to a brilliant gold color as the sun slowly sank down.  An hour later, this was the scene across this sky.  Isn't this amazing? Name a color in creation, and I'm pretty sure it is in this mind blowing sunset.  This picture doesn't even begin to describe the joy and wonder in my heart as I saw this definite gift from Him to my heart.  Remember my blog last week about masterpieces?  God gave me a wonderful gift after I had a long week of work at both of my jobs and fighting off this yucky virus.  I felt Him telling me, "See, this day started off rainy and cloudy.  You had no idea that I was going to end the day on this note."  God was right.  If you would have asked me at 2:30 if I thought I would see the most brilliant sunset in my life that night, I would have told you that it was impossible.  How could you see such a sunset when it is raining so much you wonder if you would see an ark float by?  But God is the God who makes all things possible!  The sunset was a reminder of His hope after the rains of life.  Even though it may be a downpour in your life right now, He is working to give you hope and a future, more than you can imagine.  Just like I couldn't dream the sunset, we can't dream how things are going to turn out.  We just have to trust and obey His leading.  One day, you will see the sweet and magnificent sunset too.  Just keep believing in the One who will create beautiful things in your life.
Psalm 126
The Message (MSG)
A Pilgrim Song

 It seemed like a dream, too good to be true,
    when God returned Zion’s exiles.
We laughed, we sang,
    we couldn’t believe our good fortune.
We were the talk of the nations—
    “God was wonderful to them!”
God was wonderful to us;
    we are one happy people.
 And now, God, do it again—
    bring rains to our drought-stricken lives
So those who planted their crops in despair
    will shout hurrahs at the harvest,
So those who went off with heavy hearts
    will come home laughing, with armloads of blessing.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Saturday's List

Here are some scriptures God's spoke to me in the past few months.

1. Mark 5:36
2. Isaiah 40
3. Ephesians 2:10
4. Hosea 2
5. Isaiah 43
6. Isaiah 52
7. Romans 9
8. Romans 6
9. Jeremiah 18 & 19
10. Jonah 2
11. Matthew 7
12. 1 John 4

Lots and lots of Isaiah on that list. Any insights? Maybe I'll start a study on Isaiah. Anyone know of some good commentary?

Friday, March 8, 2013

Do You Ever Do This?

As God is continuing to interrupt my need for control, one of the ways He has challenged me recently is to let Him direct my quiet time.  Instead of being tied to a reading plan or a devotional, God has challenged me to pray and either let the Holy Spirit provide me with a reference or guide my hands as I open the Bible.  A few weeks ago while I was surrendering my need for control down, God guided me to Jonah 2, which is when Jonah finally surrenders to God in prayer.  Boom!  Just what I needed to hear and learn from.

Now I have always had some trouble sleeping.  I have always had vivid nightmares that would wake the whole house up as I cried out.  When I was younger they had more to do with intruders or being kidnapped.  One time on a trip with my church group in college, I dreamed that one of my good guy friends stabbed all of us with a knife.  I woke up all my friends in my hotel room as well as my friends on the hallway.  Lately my dreams have been very spiritual warfare driven, where I have to fight the devil off or more recently was suffocating me.  Very vivid nightmares.  It is why I don't do scary movies or anything to do with zombies and the like.  I don't need more things influencing me.  In fact, in order to go to sleep at night, I have to have a nightlight on.  While talking with Miss L about all of it, I realized that I have a deep fear of the darkness of night.

Last week, using the "Holy Spirit Guide Me to the Right Words" method, God guided me back again to Jeremiah 18, reminding me that I am just being molded to His desires right now.  I thought that was a nice reminder.  I looked over at the footnotes, and it cross referenced Isaiah 45:9.  I started reading that verse and then continued reading until I came to this verse: "It is I who made the earth and created mankind on it.  My own hands stretched out the heavens; I marshaled their starry hosts." (Isaiah 45:12).  Wow.  Here God is speaking to the people, reminding them that He created everything.  I felt the Spirit tell me to go back to Genesis 1, where God created light from the darkness and called them day and evening.  As I was reading it, I felt God tell me that He has created everything.  He is in charge of it all.  I don't need to be afraid of his creation, the night.  Then He brought me back to one of my favorite verses, Psalm 91: 5- "You will not fear the terror of the night,"  What started as a quiet time devoted to me continuing to surrender control turned into the Lord speaking to me directly on a deep fear inside my heart.  I prayed and thanked God for His powerful words that reminded me that I do not have to be afraid of His creation, He will watch over and protect me.  That night I turned the nightlight off and lay down to sleep, reminding myself that God is in control, watching over me, protecting me, and that the night is part of His creation.

His Spirit can guide you in so many ways.  If I had been too stuck to my quiet time plan, I would have missed on some serious truth to help me win the battle over my fear.  For His word to be effective, it doesn't have to be long extended passages of scriptures.  Those truths God gave me through His word were no longer than an average series of text messages between myself and friends.  Short as they were, they were more powerful than I could ask or imagine.  So far I have been able to sleep at night uninterrupted and without the nightlight.   I challenge you to try this out at least once this week.  Just get alone with God and His word and let Him guide you to the words He has for you to read.  It is powerful, living, active, and yes, stronger than any sword!