Thanksgiving: The Ultimate Eucharisteo

Even so, I have noticed one thing, at least, that is good. It is good for people to eat, drink, and enjoy their work under the sun during the short life God has given them, and to accept their lot in life. And it is a good thing to receive wealth from God and the good health to enjoy it. To enjoy your work and accept your lot in life—this is indeed a gift from God. God keeps such people so busy enjoying life that they take no time to brood over the past. (Ecclesiastes 5:18-20 NLT)

If you are a new reader to my blog, I'll back up a bit to explain Eucharisteo and why it is all over my entries, tweets, and Facebook posts.  

Last year, I saw God bless me in ways more than I could imagine. I also saw God tell me no in ways I didn't want to hear. God placed Ann Voskamp's 1000 Gifts in my life at the right time. I began to count the good gifts and tell God thank you. I began to count the hard times and the no's as gifts and tell God thank you. My heart began to change to live in the present. In fact, one of my words to focus on in my spiritual journey was Eucharisteo-Thanksgiving.

As we (hopefully) are celebrating thanksgiving to God today, I had to stop and reflect on the impact intentional thanksgiving has had on my life this year. I remember one day back in Feburary that was tough. It seemed like everything was not going well. I was ready to complain, to settle for negativity, but remembered to stop and give thanks to God for three things. When I did that, a few more flowed and I viewed the day with a better perspective. I remember the day The Nurse got married. I could have been filled with negativity and self pity. Instead, I was quietly counting gifts and being filled with joy. Thankful for her sweet letter to me. Thankful for how beautiful she looked. Thankful for how happy her and the bro-in-law are. I remember the day this summer I was so stressed out from tutoring and all I wanted was a Cherry Coke and I walked into Wal-Mart and there was a 20oz in the check-out cooler. Thankfulness. I think back to starting school again and feeling like I couldn't finish everything before meet the teacher day. God prompted me to ask my friends for help and they were there and together we finished it all.  So very thankful. I remember feeling alone and asking God to bless me with some solid friendships and I'm thankful because I've gotten closer to do life with some awesome women. I'm thankful my pastor's wife is getting more involved with human trafficking, a darkness that permeates OKC. I've been praying for some wise and Godly people to rise up and take a stand. I'm even thankfulful God told me no in my dating life. It just means that His good and perfect (for me, Mr. Right will not be perfect, as I'm not either) gift is up ahead.

All of this, is as Ecclesiastes says, is accepting a gift from God. I've enjoyed my life and I've become content. Have I done this through focusing on myself? Nope. It was done by returning the thanks of the gifts back to the gift giver, God. I love the way the last verse reads, "God keeps such people so busy enjoying life that they take no time to brood over the past. (Ecclesiastes 5:20 NLT)". It is so true. When I take my eyes off God, I can easily slide down into self pity or traveling down the what-if lane. But when I stay present, counting gifts, I am enjoying life. Most importantly, I have learned to have a greater reverence for the sovereignty of God, I am more in love with God, and I trust Him more. God wants to give us gifts, and all He asks in return is for a thankful heart. Amazing, isn't it?

I encourage you today to find three things you are thankful for not only over the past year, but also today. Then wake-up tomorrow morning, and carry Eucharisteo with you. Watch for things to be thankful to God and be amazed at how much He loves you! Happy Thanksgiving!!

Fill 'Em Up, Fill 'Em Up!

If you have read my blog this month, then you will know that my church is in the middle of a series on Elisha, an amazing prophet of God with some ridiculous faith.  Yesterday, Pastor Craig taught from the encounter had with a widow.   She was in debt and her creditors were going to come and take her sons.  All she had her in her house was a small amount of olive oil.  Elisha helps her by calling on God. He gives her specific instructions on what to do.  She takes her family behind closed doors. The woman and her sons gather empty jars and she begins to fill one jar with the olive oil.  The oil multiplies and fills all the jars she gathered.  Then the woman is able to sell the oil, pay her husband's debt and keep her sons.  Definitely a moment where God did more than she asked or imagined.

I have to just SHOUT with praise right now to God!  I laugh about it because I am so amazed!  To quote Margaret Feinberg, I am WONDERSTUCK with God's goodness right now.  You see, I was really impressed about ten days ago when I actually sold two times on my TeachersPayTeachers store.  I thought that was a pretty good start considering the the thousands upon thousands of lesson plans.  BUT GOD (remember those favorite words of mine?)  has done an EPHESIANS 3:20 moment in my store.  I still cannot believe it!  Those small beginnings have now turned an amount so great I would not have guess that it could happen in less than a month of having my store open.  Let's just say it covers my student loan payment....which makes me give up a huge HALLELUJAH!!  I seriously have tasted some of God's goodness.  I feel I can totally relate to the widow Elisha helped.  I took my little bit, and God has multiplied it to fill some empty jars in my life.  All I did was take the small gifts He has blessed me with, and in return He  has multiplied it more than I could have expected.  It has encouraged me to continue on this journey with the Lord because I know any blessing that comes out of this comes from His Hand and not my own.  God is truly FAITHFUL!

Now this excitement of God's faithfulness in this area has spilled over into other areas of my life.  It has increased my faith to where I am finally at peace about some places God has called me to be obedient.  One example is an area I touched on back in February in this post.  I talked about how last August, right around this time actually, I knew God had called me to stop "looking" at potential husband material and to rest and focus on Him.  I was back and forth on the fence, depending on my feelings.  Because seriously, who imagines themselves single at 30?  And waiting on God always makes me think that His timing is even longer than I would want it to be.  Could I wait on God for a year?  Could I wait on God for another ten years?  Twenty years? God continued to encourage me in following Him by renewing my hope.  However, those pesky feelings still got in the way until a moment I've dubbed "Whole Foods Sunday."  In the Godincidence, I felt God truly calling me to surrender and wait on Him.  It has been hard at times to rely on God, especially when no one else around feels the same conviction. The devil has seen this calling as place to just move on in and muck things up in my mind.   I've wanted affirmation from other people that what I experienced was truly God, but God has shown me, that just like my journey with my TeachersPayTeachers site, His way of guiding me is unique to me.  His voice trumps all others.  I only have to take my faith and offer it up expectantly to the Lord, knowing that in His right time He will do more than I could ask or imagine.  I just need to give Him my small amount of faith and my heart in FULL obedience and surrender.  He will not lead me in a negative way.  It may be painful at times, but it is not for my destruction, because my Father gives good and perfect gifts.   The blessing will happen, just like it did with my TeachersPayTeachers site, but it is going to be in HIS time and way, not my own.

Thank You Lord, for blessing my TeachersPayTeachers site beyond what I could have asked or imagined you would do.  Thank you for the small beginnings that you plant in our hearts.  Help me to offer those beginnings up in faith.  Give me the patience to wait because I want to be obedient to Your call.  I trust that you will take my dream jars for my life and overflow them with oil in Your way and Your time according to the plan that will bring You the most Glory.    In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Come with me...

Last week, in my journey to deconstruct my walls that I had erected in my life, Jesus led me to this scripture in the Beth Moore study I'm doing.  It is from Song of Solomon, a book I normally skip because I think, "That stuff is for married people.  When I get married one day, I will read through it."  However, it was a really sweet and tender passage, just the right group of 'honey words' I needed to hear:

 My beloved spoke and said to me,

    “Arise, my darling,

    my beautiful one, come with me.

See! The winter is past;

    the rains are over and gone.

Flowers appear on the earth;

    the season of singing has come,

the cooing of doves

    is heard in our land.

The fig tree forms its early fruit;

    the blossoming vines spread their fragrance.

Arise, come, my darling;

    my beautiful one, come with me.” - Song of Solomon 2:10-13

I really felt like the Spirit was speaking this directly to me.  The hard time of "winter" in my life of having to lay down control, pride, and sadness is over.  God is creating and renewing a Spring season in my life now.  The hard work of pruning is over and I am beginning to bear some fruit and radiate the scent of Christ to others.  I just need to grab the hand of Jesus and let Him lead me out of these walls and start walking with Him.  As I was praying about this idea of just walking and not knowing where this journey would lead, an image very similar to the picture below came to mind:

     Bob Goff talks about our life with Jesus as an adventure in his book Love Does.  It is an excellent read.  The first time, the second time, probably even the 400th time.  I feel like after reading and re-reading, I know this guy on a personal level, so I'm going to refer to him as Bob.  (He probably would be ok with that.)  Some of my favorite chapters in the book are about how he pursues his wife and his account of his children's ten-year old adventures.  Bob says this at the end of describing the adventures, "Even though Jesus' disciples were older, they must have felt like my kids did on their ten-year-old adventures.  they saw joy and suffering, triumph and tragedy, and in the end there was just a man, an idea, and an invitation without a lot of details.  The disciples were unschooled and ordinary like my kids, like all of us.  Yet they didn't need all the details because they were on an adventure with a father who wanted to take them.  You don't need to know everything when you're with someone you trust."  

     Bob is right.  Jesus is calling me to come with Him.  I don't know the details of this journey.  But I can trust God that what is ahead will be what He has allowed to come into my life so I can be a best witness of His love and glory to others.  I'm grabbing His hand and we are walking ahead....Destination: Heaven. Details to get there, like sights to see or pit stops:  Unknown.  But that is OK!  :-)

Walls Around Your Heart

     Walls are good.  Walls keep things separated and keep things out.  Walls provide protection and security.  Even in the Bible, Proverbs tells us to guard our hearts.  That verse always made me think of building a wall like this around your heart.  God clearly wants us to have boundaries around our hearts to help us stay living a life that is pleasing to Him.  

     What I think happens, and what God has CLEARLY shown me lately is that some of my walls I have are not His walls for holy living, but rather walls I have created to keep myself safe.  God has shown me that those walls are my feeble attempt at a way to protect myself from getting hurt by people or situations.  You see, we all get wounded in life.  I think for me, wounds from other people hurt the most, whether they intentional meant to hurt me or not.  I know part of that comes from the way God designed me as a "Feeler-Type" personality.  When wounds like that happen, I tend to erect the wall faster than you can count to three and then after that, no one can tread inside.  I protect myself as best as I can to avoid hurt.  But who is keeping that wall intact?  Me.  Who build the wall? Me.  Why did I built that wall?  Well, basically because I don't trust.  I don't trust others.  And, as much as it sickens me to type this, a lack of trust in God. 

     There is this lovely lady I work with at my school.  She is so wise and sweet.  She has this comforting sounding Southern accent.  And of course, she gives the best hugs.  In fact, I consider it a "superdeduper" day if I see her and get a hug.  She said something a few weeks ago that I know Jesus wanted me to hear in deconstructing these walls.  She said, "The Lord doesn't allow something to happen in our lives that hasn't passed through the throne room of Grace first."  Go ahead, you know you want to write that down.  God has really shown me in the past couple of months that same concept over and over again.  He is in control of my life.  He doesn't promise a trouble free life, but rather that when trouble comes, I can take heart in Him.  He will use all things for His glory in my life.  If I get a wound, God can heal it and turn it around for His good.  I cannot rely on myself for protection, but rather, instead depend on God to protect me.  He will bring people and circumstances into my life that will make more into His masterpiece, His design of Amy.  Because of this revelation, I have slowly taken down the walls I built to keep my heart safe and leaving His walls in tact. I'll admit, I am afraid on what is on the other side of these walls.  But I know that as I keep holding onto my Savior's hand, He will lead me in the best way.  And if things happen and I get a wound, guess what?  Jesus is still right there beside me, healing me and loving me all the way home.

Honey is delicious!!!

Raise your hand if you love honey.  Me too.  Just like that silly old Winnie-the-Pooh Bear, I love honey.  My favorite way to eat honey is with peanut butter on a sandwich.  I love that over a PB&J any day.  (But not a PB& banana...that is my favorite...Ok, off this rabbit trail about sandwiches...) The Bible talks a lot about honey.  A lot.  I'm taking it as a great sign that my eternal destination will be filled with lots of this delicious food.  A verse that I read in my quiet time yesterday, really stuck to my heart.  I think part of it came because of a great chapel over the importance of words this past school year.  The other part came from a place of conviction which then pointed me in the right direction.  The verse is Proverbs 16:24- Kind words are like honey- sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.  Wow.  Look at the power of words.  If they are kind, they are sweet to our souls.  And we all know that kind words help us by having a healthy self-image.  Because the chapel this year focused on speaking the kind words to others, I've thought about that verse in the way I relate to others.  Can I say something to encourage?  If I feel a prompting to send someone a kind text message or email that day, can I do it?  What if I sent a fun and caring card to a friend I haven't talked to in a long time?  All of that is important.  But reading Proverbes 16:24 yesterday morning, hit another chord after meeting with some of my lifegroup for a prayer night the night before.

You see, just like what several of us shared, I have struggled with negative self-talk as long as I can remember.  I can remember thinking such negative thoughts about myself that I went down the road of eating disorders and depression.  After years of therapy, prayer, and digging into God's word, I know the truth about myself through Jesus' perspective.  I felt sad when I realized I've deprived myself of sweetness and health for many years.  I do try very hard to take those negative thoughts captive to break that chain and walk away from that lifestyle.  However, when life starts to get rough, guess what rears its ugly self again?  Yup, you guessed it.  Those words that are bitter and sick to the body.  I know when I find myself under stress it is hard to feel positive.  And the first place those positive thoughts flee from are about myself.  Another awesome pastor, Pete Wilson, wrote this great book called Plan B, which changed my perspective about life when I read it during the summer of 2010.  In it, he stated that when we are tired, the devil just takes it as an opportunity to attack because we won't feel like putting up the fight.  Truer words were never spoken.  I haven't been sleeping that well for the past month, so I do feel tired.  And when I'm tired, you probably have guessed it, I don't feel like a truth teller to myself.

My friends, I'm here to encourage you.  Let's stop the negative words to ourselves.  Let's stop thinking we aren't good enough at ______.  Refuse to entertain those words that kill and create sour spirits.  Instead, speak "honey" words to yourself today.  You are loved by the most high God.  You are a member of a Royal Priesthood.  He has equipped you with the strength you need for your day.  He knit you together inside your mother.  God has plans for you, he wants to give you that hope and that future that will exceed your imagination and prayers.  I know that I am going to give myself this little honey pep talk today, maybe even several times, to heal the wounds from the past few weeks.  Let's set ourselves free and feast on honey!

Mountains, Trees, and Rivers

     God uses things in His creation to often help me understand something about Him.  For example, when I was in college, I went on a ski trip with my college group.  I decided not to ski, but instead spent time with a friend who didn't want to ski.  We went snowshoeing on a beautiful hike through the mountains. (I'd totally do that again, btw.  got some awesome pictures and enjoyed the gentle, quiet pace of the forest.) I felt the vastness of the mountains and the woodlands and the sun breaking through the trees and gleaming off of the snow was showing me the greatness of God's glory, a much needed lesson at the time.  Last summer and fall, as I began surrendering all my dreams and expectations to God, the images of trees kept coming to mind, especially about how they withstand all seasons, planted and rooted firmly in the ground.  I know God was telling me that if I am planted like a tree in Him, I could survive and thrive in all seasons, even if they are seasons I'm not excited to be in.  Here are some drawings and verses from that time.  I think that it was an important truth, as a few weeks ago I was called steadfast in the Lord.  I feel like trees are so steadfast in creation as long as they stay healthy and well-tended.  If they are not planted in the right soil or deep enough, they will die.  I feel like I've listened and am growing more and more like a tree in the Lord everyday.

 

Currently though, God has been calling to my mind rivers.  I love, love, love the Rhett Walker Band's song "Come to the River."  On the right is a little sketch I did one night after listening to the song over and over again.  I can remember that this past Easter morning on the way to church, I heard this song and sang my little heart out to it.  God keeps calling me to lay myself down and drink from his river.  In the Breaking Free study by Beth Moore, she talks about how God's peace is like a river and it washes over the bumps and turns of life.  She quoted Isaiah 48:18- " Your peace would have been like a river."  If we listen to God, we too can have a peace like a river.  She said that just because we have that peace doesn't mean that we isolate ourselves off or our lives become still.  Instead she said the peace we can receive is "submission to a trustworthy Authority, not resignation from all activity."  Wow.  I feel like there are so many things in this walk to become more dependent on God that I truly haven't submitted to Him, which is causing me to not have his peace.  For example, I really felt like I should let God be more in control of my finances and not to trust in my stack.  Totally hard for me.  I've tithed and I do support other ministries.  However, I really don't like to see my savings account at a certain level. But instead of depending on God to provide, I have tried in the past to do it myself.  This January, He provided me with an opportunity for a part-time job tutoring, which has helped with the Dave Ramsey baby steps I'm on.  However, the first boulder in my river popped up when I needed new tires.  Ugh.  I thought to myself, there goes part of the emergency fund I'VE worked so hard for. I hope you caught that.  Not the emergency fund God provided, but my emergency fund.  Yup.  So I've had to repent and let go of my finances once again.  Submit to God's Authority over that area.  

    Last Sunday, I went to a local art festival with a couple of my sweet friends.  We happened upon a  photographer who had these amazing pictures of rivers in the woods.  I really liked this one here to the left because it has the peace of the river following over the rocks, as well as the beautiful trees.  (Oh yeah, and my secret retreat cabin with an art room.)  I love this picture and can even smell the freshness of the woods.  I knew that I had to get this picture.  Then Miss LE found this picture:

       Beautiful, isn't it?  It so describes God's peace.  When we submit to His peaceful authority, it covers all the rocks and troubles of our life.  I can hear the rushing water sound.  The water just keeps on coming.  If we were to dam up the river, then the water would stop.  But as long as we keep it open, the water never stops coming.  All much like the peace of God.  If we don't allow it in our lives, it stops and we become dry.  If we allow it to come, then it will come over us everyday.  I think for me, the hardest part is that I am having to ask for that peace every morning when I wake up. I wish that when I woke up in the morning, it would already be there.  In some areas it is, but in other areas, I am still having to lay myself down at the the feet of the Lord and accept His will.  As Beth Moore put it, "The path of peace is paved with knee-prints.  Bend the knee to your heart to the all-powerful, all-sufficient, all-knowing Creator of heaven and earth."  So, who is coming to the river with me, laying our burdens down, and finding a peace-covered heart instead?

  

Do You Ever Do This?

As God is continuing to interrupt my need for control, one of the ways He has challenged me recently is to let Him direct my quiet time.  Instead of being tied to a reading plan or a devotional, God has challenged me to pray and either let the Holy Spirit provide me with a reference or guide my hands as I open the Bible.  A few weeks ago while I was surrendering my need for control down, God guided me to Jonah 2, which is when Jonah finally surrenders to God in prayer.  Boom!  Just what I needed to hear and learn from.

Now I have always had some trouble sleeping.  I have always had vivid nightmares that would wake the whole house up as I cried out.  When I was younger they had more to do with intruders or being kidnapped.  One time on a trip with my church group in college, I dreamed that one of my good guy friends stabbed all of us with a knife.  I woke up all my friends in my hotel room as well as my friends on the hallway.  Lately my dreams have been very spiritual warfare driven, where I have to fight the devil off or more recently was suffocating me.  Very vivid nightmares.  It is why I don't do scary movies or anything to do with zombies and the like.  I don't need more things influencing me.  In fact, in order to go to sleep at night, I have to have a nightlight on.  While talking with Miss L about all of it, I realized that I have a deep fear of the darkness of night.

Last week, using the "Holy Spirit Guide Me to the Right Words" method, God guided me back again to Jeremiah 18, reminding me that I am just being molded to His desires right now.  I thought that was a nice reminder.  I looked over at the footnotes, and it cross referenced Isaiah 45:9.  I started reading that verse and then continued reading until I came to this verse: "It is I who made the earth and created mankind on it.  My own hands stretched out the heavens; I marshaled their starry hosts." (Isaiah 45:12).  Wow.  Here God is speaking to the people, reminding them that He created everything.  I felt the Spirit tell me to go back to Genesis 1, where God created light from the darkness and called them day and evening.  As I was reading it, I felt God tell me that He has created everything.  He is in charge of it all.  I don't need to be afraid of his creation, the night.  Then He brought me back to one of my favorite verses, Psalm 91: 5- "You will not fear the terror of the night,"  What started as a quiet time devoted to me continuing to surrender control turned into the Lord speaking to me directly on a deep fear inside my heart.  I prayed and thanked God for His powerful words that reminded me that I do not have to be afraid of His creation, He will watch over and protect me.  That night I turned the nightlight off and lay down to sleep, reminding myself that God is in control, watching over me, protecting me, and that the night is part of His creation.

His Spirit can guide you in so many ways.  If I had been too stuck to my quiet time plan, I would have missed on some serious truth to help me win the battle over my fear.  For His word to be effective, it doesn't have to be long extended passages of scriptures.  Those truths God gave me through His word were no longer than an average series of text messages between myself and friends.  Short as they were, they were more powerful than I could ask or imagine.  So far I have been able to sleep at night uninterrupted and without the nightlight.   I challenge you to try this out at least once this week.  Just get alone with God and His word and let Him guide you to the words He has for you to read.  It is powerful, living, active, and yes, stronger than any sword!

Taking the Mystery out of the Seeking

   Last Christmas, Miss K gave me a metal paper holder that had this verse on it.  She told me that she really felt God lay on her heart that I needed to hear that message of seeking Him. As soon as she shared that with me, I saw or heard that verse everywhere.  Seek Him.  Seek Him.  Over the past two months, I've tried pressing more into Him through all kinds of methods.  I was gung-ho at the beginning of the year to do three Bible reading plans, listen only to podcasts of sermons, and spend at least twenty minutes of my day in a meditative prayer state.  I wanted to do this seeking God business that I kept hearing about.

    Since I am a human being who is not perfect and cannot live up to anyone's expectations, including my own, I failed miserably.  I couldn't follow this plan, which left me wondering, "How can I really seek God?"  I want to press more into Him, I want to know more about Him.  I want to be filled up by Him.  After going through this process of letting go of control, and just letting God guide me, He entered in with His answer.

     At our school chapel on Wednesday, Chris Spradlin spoke.  I knew it was going to be a good chapel, having become familiar with him and his wife through church.  Both of them are great speakers, always sharing the truth of God in a simple manner.  Chris wanted the kids to begin seeking God on their own.  He gave them four easy things, which spoke to me in my own search of the way to seek God.  Here they are:

1. Read your Bible.  (Or in the case of some of the kids, have your parents read it to you.)
2. Go to church.  Learn from teachers there and fellowship with other believers.
3. Pray.  It doesn't have to be fancy, just communication with God.
4. Serve others.  Look around to others and see who needs a helping hand.

     As chapel finished up, I sat there with my mind blown.  Here I was, trying to turn this "seeking God" into a huge mystical process.  In reality, it was simple, uncomplicated, and easy.  I felt God saying, "You are doing that.  You are seeking me.  It isn't going to be complicated, just turn and look to me."  I felt reassured that I am doing the things to continue to seek God.  It isn't about a rigid set of rules on how to find God or learn more about Him.  If we stop and chose a relationship with Him, one that is guided by Him, and not ourselves, we will seek and find Him.  Stop trying so hard like I was, and start making it simple.  He is closer than you think.

Saturday's List

Book List

I've decided to keep track this year of the books I'm reading. I think it will be fun to look back on the list at the end of the year. If you have any recommendations, send them my way!

1. The Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer: This one was a re-read for me. I loved it the first time I read it because it helped changed me from a "worse case" mindset to one that is victorious in Christ. I read it again on the advice of Miss K, to help get my mind free of Satan's accusations that "I'm crazy." Instead I've found that I have the mind of Christ that is rooted in His word and those words I can use to defeat Satan. Boo-ya Devil!! You better step off!
2. Grace Awakening by Charles Swindoll: This was one I was familiar with because my parents read it when it first came out. I actually bought my copy as a gift for a friend who ended up already having it. So you could say it was a total Godincidence I ended up reading it. God really laid it on my heart to focus on grace these first few months of the year. It was a life changing book. I had so many legalistic mind sets dominating my walk with God. Not to mention a lot of past hurts from a lack of grace I couldn't receive that I needed healing for my heart. I can see why its a modern day classic and I highly recommend it.
3. Crazy Love by Francis Chan: This was another re-read. I took away a different perspective of God this time. The first time I read it, I remember my take away was that I needed to love others with more compassion and grace. See the Jesus in other people. This time I was hit with how big and powerful our God is. He is in control of my life, your life, and the entire stretch of time. His plan is not always for what we think is best or for our comfort, but rather for His best and for His glory to be made known. And it redeemed the word crazy for me.
4. The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien: I started re-reading this after I saw the movie. I was working through some big personal issues with Jesus and I really didn't want to read a chick lit type book. I figured that it would be fairly distracting to read about fantasy characters of hobbits, dwarves, and Gollum. While enjoyable, as always, Jesus was using the character of Bilbo Baggins to show me my heart of control. Just like Bilbo's reluctance to go on the adventure, I too have a reluctance when God calls to me to come to him. I'd rather stay in my hobbit hole, with the assurance of a second breakfast. But if we step out with God, who knows all he things he could use us for...just like Bilbo. (Disclaimer: unlike Mr. Baggins I do not have hairy feet nor would my height qualify me for hobbit status. It's purely a heart thing.)
5. Pursued by Jud Wilhite: I've just started this little gem. I'm only 20 pages in and God is blowing my mind away. When I was praying about my words for this year, wrapped up in the idea of dependence was the fact that I needed to let God pursue me. When I saw this book came out and had such a meaningful word to me right now, I knew I had to read it. Now, I'll be honest, I haven't been the most gung-ho about it, but I know it's truth will be life changing. Plus, it is endorsed by all of my favorite pastors and teachers.

Your turn. What are you reading this year?

Soulful Sunday

Mind-blowing to ponder...We are glorious because God makes everything glorious...

"Good Bible Study" Christian Girl

Philippians 3: 4-11
If someone else thinks they have reasons to put confidence in the flesh, I have more: 5 circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; in regard to the law, a Pharisee; 6 as for zeal, persecuting the church; as for righteousness based on the law, faultless.

7 But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8 What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in[a] Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. 10 I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.

I've lived my life as the "good-Bible Study" Christian girl.  According to Christian Legalism, I've dotted every i and crossed every t.  I've never done drugs or smoked.  I've kept my promise that I made to God on my True Love Waits Card.  I have never lived the "Girls Gone Wild" lifestyle.  I did these things thinking that God would love me more than anyone and I would be covered with His favor and blessings.  But I know now that all those things are pure trash.  They are fluff in God's eyes.  I come to the cross as my true self, one who is insecure, prideful, frustrated from trying to control, and independent.  I come as the person who hides her heart away so it doesn't get hurt.  I come as the person who can be afraid to make a decision because of the fear of doing the wrong thing.  When I come to Christ in this manner, and present to Him, not my good works, but my brokenness, I truly experience His love in a deep way. I know He loves me for who I am, the person he formed in my mother's womb 30 years ago.  He has great plans for me, a future that is more than I could ever dream to imagine.  My heart becomes full as I allow His sweet words to heal my hurts and my pain.  My eyes become open  to His power and blessings in my everyday life.  I can sit in His presence and not worry that I'm being that "good-Bible Study" girl.  I can draw on His strength everyday and watch him do the impossible in my life.  Our God is that great and wonderful and powerful and is using everyday to help us become more like Him.

What Does Being a Christian Mean?

     A Christian wakes up in the morning, knowing that the only way to make it through the day is to open their heart and hands to the Lord.  The words that come from their lips are "I commit this day to You, God.  I can only live it by relying on Christ's strength in me."  The Christian's eyes and ears are open to the gifts of love and grace from God.  Eucharisteo is bubbling from their lips, the praise overflowing from their entire body.  The soul is turned to God, seeking Him.  Even though there may be sin or life's heartaches causing doubt and pain, the Christian knows to return back to the Lord and accepts His loving grace.  It is within the Christian's being the word pursuit is etched, for God is always pursuing the Christian and the Christian cannot help but to respond by pursuing God in return.  The need for control is turned over to the Lord, and the Christian trusts whatever happens in the present is what God has intended.  There is no shame by holding onto the past nor fear of what the future holds.  The Christian looks at themselves as a free being and desires to set others free from sin.  The Christian loves others, even when there is a right to stay angry or offended.  The Christian loves in a way that the world around them says that they are insane.  Entitlement is not on the hearts of a Christian, but rather humility and service.  At night, the Christian is not awake with problems or concerns, but lays their head down on the pillow while talking to their Father as they fall asleep in His arms, knowing their God is not one who sleeps.

     What does being a Christian mean to you?

Soulful Sunday

Whoa. Heard this song and this lyrics describe it all: "Okay I really don't like change but I can't stop it, I'm moving forward anyway with the promise, You are my anchor for my soul, That's all I need to know, That's all I need to know. You're my constant in every moment, Constant, You've never failed me, All my life, You have never left my side, You are my constant."

Destruction leads to Destiny...at least I'm hoping!

Last week, I was listening to some worship music and heard the word destruction in it. It hit me like a paper cut on a sensitive part of your hand. The idea was there, stinging in my soul.

Fast forward to a few hours later and I found myself facing an overwhelming situation. I was trying to figure things out on my own and how to solve it. But I couldn't. It is embarrassing to me because it is clear I cannot depend on myself to get me out of this situation. Which is frustrating for me. I've always wanted to be an independent woman where I was not indebted to anyone. Instead, I'm now asking for help from others in all areas of my life: relational, financial, spiritual, and mental. I'm admitting to others slowly and surely that "I'm tired, I'm worn. I cannot do this without your help." I cried and cried and cried. As I was going to bed that night, I saw a very encouraging post by my church's youth pastor's wife. At the end, she quoted Psalm 37:4, which I have seen everywhere this year. EVERYWHERE. I opened up my Bible and turned to read that Psalm again, when I saw this wonderful card Miss LE gave me a few months ago, marking that scripture. God can take these impossible situations I'm facing and change them as long as I trust Him and wait patiently for Him to act. This destruction I am going through is leading to my destiny. I know on the other side of this, I will be dependent on God and his love and grace and not have an  independent spirit built on fear and pride. Even though I feel like I have a giant spiritual paper cut, I know that God is working all things together for my good. So even though it hurts, let the walls crumble Lord, for I know that through this I will become more like You.

Changing 600 years of tradition!

The old religious studies major in me couldn't resist the opportunity to comment on the recent Papal Resignation.  I could hardly believe my Twitter feed this morning.  Then I thought about the YouVersion verse of the day:
     Proverbs 16:3- Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.

I got in the car for my morning drive and then heard the KLOVE verse:
      Proverbs 3:6-6 Seek his will in all you do,  and he will show you which path to take.

I started to think about Pope Benedict XVI's stint as the leader for the Catholic Church in the context of these verses.  He had a big reputation to follow after one of the most beloved and longest popes, Pope John Paul II.  It would be a hard role to fill.  I believe that Pope Benedict XVI committed his papacy to the Lord.  For outsiders, it may be hard to see that he was a success, but I know for many conservative Catholics, and the Catholic Church as a whole, he helped to hold the church together and redirect the church in the face of negativity and naysayers.  Perhaps success isn't always what we think in our minds.  God's success might just look completely different.  Obviously, Pope Benedict knew his age and health would play a factor in guiding the Catholic Church, so he sought God and God showed him a different path to take, one that has not been taken in 600 years! Talk about stepping out in faith and walking on God's path.  Here is a man who knows that this is not the "normal" path to take.  Instead of letting tradition dictate where he should go, he let God show him, and is resigning.

I thought about this more in light of my journey to dependence on God.  Could I wake up every morning and commit my plans and actions to the Lord?  Could I commit them even they were radically different from what others expected?  Could I commit them, knowing that the success of them might come in the form of eternal success, not temporal success?  Could I seek God so deeply that if He leads me on an unexpected path, I could yield and follow what He has shown me?  After all, its not like I would be breaking against 600 years of tradition, is it? :-)

 Lord, let me be this committed and this bold for you.  Let me step out and commit all I do to you, no matter if it looks different than everyone else around me.

Soulful Sunday

Last September, I had the joy of seeing All Sons and Daughters with Kari Jobe when they were in Oklahoma City for a worship night. So, so good. I loved worshiping God to their music, especially this song. We are all made beautiful, even those broken places we try to hide. Thank you Jesus, I am a sinner, if its not one thing its another. Thank you that you love me and have made me beautiful.

Grace, what have you done?

"As Scripture repeatedly reminds us, He brings His mighty hand down over our lives and presses His sovereign fingers into areas where it hurts.  We sigh, we squirm, we struggle, and (hopefully) we lay hold of grace and finally submit.  What blessed submission!  It is in those hurting areas where we cannot  handle it on our own that God does His very best work."- Charles Swindoll, The Grace Awakening

   I messed up last year when I was praying.  I had a promise from God laid on my heart and instead of waiting on His time and His way for that promise to be fulfilled, I thought it should mean that the promise would happen right now.  An attitude like Veruca Salt, spoiled and demanding.  The prayer for the promise became all-consuming, an idol of sorts.  When the promise wasn't fulfilled the way I thought or expected, I became angry and hurt.  How could God, if He is the good and faithful one, do that?  Why didn't He act the way I thought?  Through wise council, going back and reading what I originally wrote in my prayer journal before I went off on my Golden Calf tangent, and SEEKING GOD, I realized that while the promise itself is not bad, I screwed up by anticipating it too soon and completely praying outside the will of God. As Christine Caine once said, "There is a time for anointed and appointment.  Sometimes there is a delay between the anointing and the appointing." (Makes me think of Abraham, Joesph, and David.  The Word is filled with promises followed by waiting.Oh how I forgot...) God gave me GRACE as soon as I repented.  I however, have not been so graceful to myself.  I've been trying to hide my hurt and my shame from God because I haven't wanted to accept His GRACE for my mistake.  I have wanted to reject the promise, reject the ordained time for the promise, and reject that God gives perfect gifts because my pride doesn't want to admit that I made a mistake.  My pride doesn't want to accept the grace of the promise because I feel like I know better than God and I shouldn't get the good stuff if I am continually creating bad stuff.  But God, (I told you I love these words), has been on an endless pursuit for my heart. He wants all of it, including the parts I've hurt with my own selfishness and pride.  I have struggled, I have squirmed, but I am finally starting the submission to God.  He will take my hurt and heal it.  He will take my sin and forget it.  He will take my promise, and one day, in His right time, He will bless me with it.  Yes, I don't deserve it, in fact, I don't even deserve the relationship and  salvation I have with God.  But God loves us so much more.  Not only did He give us His son on the cross, but He also continues to heap blessing upon blessing on us. 

 God, take my hurting heart and my selfish pride.  Help me to be caught up in the rhythms of  Your Grace.  Create in me a clean heart so I can do your work.  I cannot do this on my own.

 In Jesus' Name, Amen.

If You Want To Steal My Show...

When you are dependent on someone, it can be a good thing or a bad thing. Too little dependence and the relationship suffers because people feel unwanted. Too much dependence and the relationship suffers because people feel suffocated. There has to be a fine balance between the two in order for the relationship to work.

The same rule applies with God. When don't depend enough on Him, we can find ourselves adrift or in a whole heap of trouble. We can be critical of His goodness for us and not trust His will above our own. When we buy into legalism and fear, creating an unhealthy sense of dependency, we don't take steps of faith or accept grace because we are too worried we will make a wrong move.

When we depend on God in a healthy manner, we look to him for guidance in life. We trust that His will and ways of accomplishing that are better than our ways. We trust Him to interrupt and steal our shows if that benefits the kingdom of God. We don't live in fear of messing up because we know that His grace will cover our mistakes and His love will never run out on us.

Three Words, Just Three Words

   Eucharisteo.  Trust.  Dependence.  These are the three words God has given me for this year of 2013.  These words are my focus, my vision, my guidelines to all that God wants to do within me.  Are these words easy?  No, in fact, if I would have my way, I would pick three different words to allow me to guide my vision this next year.  They are growing words, words that are filled with change, words that scream to me that my life will be different by the end of 2013.  Am I comfortable with that?  No.  I'll admit, I don't like change.  I don't like risk.  I don't like chance.  Call me guarded, hidden, a fortress.  Whatever you chose, I know that you are right.  I do have walls, I do have mistrust in my heart, I do have places I want to keep hidden and secret.  I want to depend on myself only because I have a suspicious eye towards others.  I have known the bitter taste of rejection.  I have known the part of you heart that when it gets hurt, it feels like skin has rubbed away and you walk around with a gaping wound.  I have known the disappointment.  I have known the spirit of envy and entitlement.  I have even known to be so stubborn I'll move a 200 pound TV alone, without any help.  

   But God, which are some of the most lovely words in His scriptures, has a different plan for me.  He wants me to turn to Him.  To give Him all of me, to let Him in all the places I try to hide.  He want me to unfurl my fists of disappointment and heartache and have open hands of thanksgiving and praise.  He wants me to trust in His promises, trust Him that He is a good and perfect gift to my wounded heart, and of course to trust that His ways are much better than mine.  He wants me to surrender my dreams and expectations to trust His dreams and expectations for my life.  He wants me to stop trying to rely on my own strength to battle through each day, and instead wake up ready to drawn upon His strength, so at the end of the day I can say, "I've accomplished today only by HIS GRACE."

   During the first 21 days of January, I felt called to fast from social media.  I knew God wanted me to speak to me about these words, speak to me about some promises, and just speak to me in general.  While I love social media and find it useful, I know that it had become a conglomeration of white noise that was supporting my walls.  I'll be honest, I expected that the more time I spend with God, the more God might speak words to be that didn't call for so much openness.  I expected Him to guide me in a particular direction and instead I found myself going in a completely different way, in His way.  The annoyance I felt at a change in my plans led to arguments and running from my daily quiet times.  But, as any wise person in the Lord will tell you, as soon as I ceded and waved the white flag, peace that passes understanding filled my heart.  

  These words, eucharisteo, which means thanksgiving, trust, and dependence are dangerous words.  They are calling for me to be ready for all that God wants to do with me in my life.  The dangerous words are asking me if I can be like Mary and say, "I am the Lord's servant. May it be to me as you say."  Even though I may appear to succeed in these three ways this year, I know it will be with only God's grace covering me.  So, in the call to be open with others, won't you please join this stubborn, selfish, suspicious princess as she is transformed into a grateful, trusting, dependent princess?