Preparation For The New Year

As I've walked through some really great advent devotional plans to place my heart in God's hands for the Christmas season, I've felt a tugging from the Holy Spirit. The tugging is reminding me that we are on a constant adventure with God as He molds us to His design. Through the tugs, one word, one attribute of God is clear to me: peace. God calls Jesus the Prince of Peace in Isaiah. When the angels announce Jesus' birth, they declare peace on all men. In Jesus' ministry on Earth, He teaches that if we come to Him and walk in His rhythms of Grace, we will have Peace. Even the apostle Paul teaches that when turn our worries over to God through prayer we will have a peace that passes all understanding. 

I started my advent journey with the focus I was preparing my heart for the true meaning of Christmas. Instead, I feel God is preparing me for what I need to focus on for 2014: Peace.

The senior pastor of the church I attend has had his staff participate in a fast and also a word from God for the past few years. He invites the congregation to participate as well. In 2012, I followed a Daniel Fast and spent the year focusing on the word Restoration and the Dry Bones passage in Ezekiel. God was faithful and restored to me dreams about my career and myself. He took me from dry bones to green pastures in 2012.  If you have read my blog this past year, 2013 was filled with the word Eucharisteo .  In learning to be thankful to God for all things, seeing both the good and bad as a gift from God, I've grown to trust and depend on God in a new, stronger way. I also started the year with a social media fast to stop some of the "noise" and refocus on God. 

Back to Peace. I know this is my word for 2014. God reminds me over and over of this word. I definitely am going to spend time in The Word discovering more about Peace. I know I need to be still in front of God to discover what that looks like in my life. I'm definitely thankful that peace is my word. You see, while restoration and Eucharisteo have propelled me to greater growth in God, it has been hard. I feel like there was so much growth, that I feel like a new, different woman. But to reach this point, I had to do all the things God called me to do- like surrender dreams and plans, change my heart, confess my sin, experience freedom. The list could go on. I'm thankful that after all this hard work to be transformed by God, He is now promising peace. I know that 2014 won't be free of change, but I have a feeling it will be peaceful change. I know that I will still be growing, but I think the way it will happen will be in a peaceful manner. I'm excited for the possibilities up ahead!! As for the fast, I know for sure that I'm going to take a break from Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. I may possibly still blog, but I haven't fully decided. What else to fast? I'm still not sure and will be praying what will lead to peace. 

Advent is a time of preparation to remind us of Christ's first coming. It is also a time where we can prepare our hearts to make room for Christ. For me, it is allowing a deeper relationship to grow. But for you, perhaps this is the first time you may have realized there is no room for Christ in your life. I pray that you would surrender to Him now. Open your heart and accept Him as your Savior, your Prince of Peace. 

Trusting God With Everything, Pt.2

Over the next three months, Mary grew in her confidence in what the Lord had told her.  She was to be the mother of the Messiah.  Mary  also grew in her confidence  to take care of an infant thanks to her mother and cousin’s examples.  John was a loud baby, with a cry that Mary was sure drew attention from everyone in the neighborhood.  Mary’s size also grew and it was quite apparent on her small frame that she was expecting a child.  There would be no hiding it from the townspeople in Nazareth when they returned.  Every day she waited for some sort of message from Joseph that said he was going to still marry her after he had heard from God.  Every day, it felt like this hope was deferred more and more.  Mary wished that there was something she could do, but it all came back to her Mother’s words: “We are going to have to wait on Joseph to see where God leads his heart.  Trust God to lead him to the right answer.”

Meanwhile, back in Nazareth, Joseph engrossed himself in his carpentry.  He tried to make time and pray and ask God for guidance about Mary.  Often it became difficult as he would try to logically solve the problem.  He knew that virgin women couldn't get pregnant.  He also knew that he had kept his vow of purity.  Then how could Mary be pregnant?  Unless she had a relationship with another man.  Mary was young and beautiful, it wouldn't be inconceivable that it could happen.  Joseph knew that if he married an unfaithful woman now, he would pay later on.  He knew that it wasn't God’s best choice.  That left only two things; either have Mary publicly stoned when she returned or to send word to her that he was breaking the engagement.  If he sent it to her while she was in Jerusalem, Joseph thought that perhaps she could stay there and make a life.  He decided that he would send a messenger with the word in the morning and then take her dowry back to her father’s house.

As Joseph ate his evening meal, he felt very restless.  He finished eating and then went to sleep.  It took him a while to fall asleep and it too was restless.  In his fitful sleep he had a dream. A large man who was covered in a powerful bright light appeared to him.  “Joseph.  Joseph,” said the man.  “I am an angel of the Lord.  I have a message from the Most High God for you.  Do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife as you have planned.  What she told you was the truth.  The child conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit.  He will be a son and you are to name him Jesus because he will save the people from their sins.”

The next day, around early evening, a messenger came running to the house of Elizabeth in Jerusalem.  “Hello, I’m looking for Mary from Nazareth, house of Eli. I have a message for her.”  Mary stepped out into the dusk.  “This is her.”

“Mary, I've been sent to you by a carpenter named Joseph of Nazareth.  He says to come home quickly because he believes and he cannot wait to marry you and become a father to Jesus.”   

Trusting Him With Everything, Pt.1

“Joseph, I have to tell you something.”  Mary looked down at her hands.  “I know that it will sound crazy, but you need to believe me that this came from God.”

                Joseph sat down across from Mary.  He looked at Mary’s face and realized he had never seen so many emotions at one time.  She looked nervous yet there was a light that seemed to glow from within, making her eyes have a peace.  Mary’s mother, Anna, was sitting next to her with her arms wrapped around her daughter.  Eli, Mary’s father, smiled at Joseph.  “My daughter has some very big news.  We hope that this won’t change any previous agreements.”  Eli patted Mary’s hands.  “Go ahead my dear and tell him.  It is your story to tell.”

                Mary looked up at Joseph.  In front of her was the man promised to be her husband.  Joseph was an answer to many prayers.  He was calm and responsible, yet to loved to laugh and enjoy the fellowship of others.  God was very important to Joseph and he never missed a prayer time or the day to go the synagogue.  He was compassionate with all people and generous with his resources, including tithing even though he was just an apprentice. Mary knew that what she was about to share could change how Joseph felt about her and could chose to break their engagement and walk away forever.

                “Mary, what is it?” Joseph’s face was filled with concern.

                “Joseph,” began Mary. “About a month ago, an angel of the Lord came to me.  At first I was frightened,  He was so big and a bright light shown about him.”

                Joseph interrupted,  “You had an angel visit you?  Like the story of our ancestor Jacob and the stairway?”

                Mary grabbed his hand.  “Yes Joseph.  But it wasn't in a dream.  He was right across from me here in this room, just like you are.  He shared with me some of God’s plan for my life.  God has chosen me to be the mother of the long awaited Messiah.”

                “What?  So that means I am the father?  Are you going to become pregnant immediately after we wed in six months?”  Joseph tried to understand what Mary was saying .

                Eli spoke up.  “ Joseph, you are supposed to be a father to the Messiah child.  However, Mary is already pregnant.

                Joseph turned and looked at Mary.  “Wait a minute.  Mary cannot be pregnant.  I've never even been alone with her.  Are you accusing me of something?”

                Anna said, “No Joseph, no one  is implying you are the reason for Mary’s pregnancy.  The Spirit of the Lord came upon her and she is showing all the signs of pregnancy.  Mary is going to give birth to the Messiah.”

                Joseph looked at Mary.  “Is this true?  You are pregnant?  If I am your betrothed, why didn't God visit me too?  Why would He only send an angel to you?”

                “Joseph, please…you have to understand and believe me.  I don’t know why God has only sent an angel to me.  But it is true.  I have been chosen to give birth to the Messiah.  His name is to be Jesus and He is going to do great things- things we couldn't ask or imagine.  God has done the impossible and allowed me to conceive to allow this miracle.”

                Joseph got up and started walking back and forth across the room.  “This is all too much for me to take in right now.  All of it does sound very important to God, but I’m not sure why I haven’t heard anything from Him.”

                Eli stood up.  “ I know that you are going to need time to pray and seek God in what to do with this matter.  Anna has a cousin, Elizabeth, who is expecting a baby very soon.  She and Mary are going to go help for three months.  When they return, you can share what God has led you to do.”

                Joseph turned and looked at Mary’s face.  She had tears forming in her eyes.  “Yes, Eli, I believe that would be best.”  He quietly left the house.

                Anna wrapped Mary in a hug.  The tears were now streaming down her face.  Mary’s heart weighed heavily in her chest. “Oh Mother.  Why would God allow this?  I knew Joseph wouldn't believe me.  Why didn't God wait until after we were married?  Or better yet, why hasn't He spoken to him with another angel?”

                “Mary, I don’t know.  Perhaps God is doing this to draw him closer.  Please don’t doubt God’s timing.  God has a purpose in all of this.  You have to trust what God told you.  You are having Jesus, His Son.  Now whether or not Joseph is the child’s earthly father remains to be seen.  We have to give him time to hear from God.”

“I shouldn't have told him now.  We should have just moved the wedding ceremony to sooner.  I could have told him after it was all over.”

Anna stroked her daughter’s hair. “Mary, you know we couldn't move the ceremony.  We have to go and help Elizabeth.  She has never had a child before and she needs my help.  Plus, it will be good experience for you to see what is ahead of you in the coming months. And, you did tell me that you felt like God wanted you to tell Joseph now.  Don’t doubt it.  We are just going to have to wait on Joseph to see where God leads his heart.”

“But what if he breaks the engagement?  Mother, I almost wish that is what he would have said tonight.  I can’t stand hoping that he’ll believe me and then end up a complete outcast.  Not a fit way for the Messiah to be born- as a social outcast.”

“Trust Mary.  Trust God that He will lead Joseph to the right answer.  You are doing what God has placed in your hands before you.  Now get some rest.  We have a long journey to Elisabeth’s tomorrow.” 

Receive and Prepare

December 1st is here. That means there are 24 days until Christmas. What are you doing to receive and prepare this season? 

Being a woman, I focus a lot on that word prepare when thinking about Christmas. To be really honest with you, much of that preparation doesn't focus on the true part of Christmas- celebrating when my Savior came to earth. Most often when I prepare, it is lists of gifts to buy for others, lists of cookies I want to bake, lists of decorations that may make it out of storage and into the house, lists of charitable donations, lists of plans for Christmas parties, lists of things to do in the classroom. You get the idea. Lots of preparation on the external things, but not a lot of heart preparation. And as far as receiving, well I don't prepare myself to receive anything. Which makes it awkward to get a present, because I answer with the old standard, "You shouldn't have."

As I've counting gifts of thankfulness to God this year, as I've let Him pursue my heart, as I've grown completely dependent upon Him, the Holy Spirit gave me a heart check this year. Amy, what if you stopped focusing on all the external things of Christmas? You know those things will get done. Stop and take some time to be still. Stop to really receive Jesus coming to earth. Like the carol, prepare room in your heart to be filled with Jesus.

This is my focus this year during the season of advent as we count down the days of Christmas. I want to have fresh eyes and ears as I focus on the story of Christ's birth. I want to receive it in a new way, a way to recharge myself. I want to prepare my heart to not be swallowed by busyiness, but to prepare it to be swallowed by the Spirit. Who is ready to join me as receive and prepare this Christmas season? 

Lord, soften all of our hearts to your Son this season. May we all receive your Spirit of Christmas and not the world's spirit of busyiness and commercialism. May we all take time to prepare ourselves to receive the King of Kings in our hearts. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Thanksgiving: The Ultimate Eucharisteo

Even so, I have noticed one thing, at least, that is good. It is good for people to eat, drink, and enjoy their work under the sun during the short life God has given them, and to accept their lot in life. And it is a good thing to receive wealth from God and the good health to enjoy it. To enjoy your work and accept your lot in life—this is indeed a gift from God. God keeps such people so busy enjoying life that they take no time to brood over the past. (Ecclesiastes 5:18-20 NLT)

If you are a new reader to my blog, I'll back up a bit to explain Eucharisteo and why it is all over my entries, tweets, and Facebook posts.  

Last year, I saw God bless me in ways more than I could imagine. I also saw God tell me no in ways I didn't want to hear. God placed Ann Voskamp's 1000 Gifts in my life at the right time. I began to count the good gifts and tell God thank you. I began to count the hard times and the no's as gifts and tell God thank you. My heart began to change to live in the present. In fact, one of my words to focus on in my spiritual journey was Eucharisteo-Thanksgiving.

As we (hopefully) are celebrating thanksgiving to God today, I had to stop and reflect on the impact intentional thanksgiving has had on my life this year. I remember one day back in Feburary that was tough. It seemed like everything was not going well. I was ready to complain, to settle for negativity, but remembered to stop and give thanks to God for three things. When I did that, a few more flowed and I viewed the day with a better perspective. I remember the day The Nurse got married. I could have been filled with negativity and self pity. Instead, I was quietly counting gifts and being filled with joy. Thankful for her sweet letter to me. Thankful for how beautiful she looked. Thankful for how happy her and the bro-in-law are. I remember the day this summer I was so stressed out from tutoring and all I wanted was a Cherry Coke and I walked into Wal-Mart and there was a 20oz in the check-out cooler. Thankfulness. I think back to starting school again and feeling like I couldn't finish everything before meet the teacher day. God prompted me to ask my friends for help and they were there and together we finished it all.  So very thankful. I remember feeling alone and asking God to bless me with some solid friendships and I'm thankful because I've gotten closer to do life with some awesome women. I'm thankful my pastor's wife is getting more involved with human trafficking, a darkness that permeates OKC. I've been praying for some wise and Godly people to rise up and take a stand. I'm even thankfulful God told me no in my dating life. It just means that His good and perfect (for me, Mr. Right will not be perfect, as I'm not either) gift is up ahead.

All of this, is as Ecclesiastes says, is accepting a gift from God. I've enjoyed my life and I've become content. Have I done this through focusing on myself? Nope. It was done by returning the thanks of the gifts back to the gift giver, God. I love the way the last verse reads, "God keeps such people so busy enjoying life that they take no time to brood over the past. (Ecclesiastes 5:20 NLT)". It is so true. When I take my eyes off God, I can easily slide down into self pity or traveling down the what-if lane. But when I stay present, counting gifts, I am enjoying life. Most importantly, I have learned to have a greater reverence for the sovereignty of God, I am more in love with God, and I trust Him more. God wants to give us gifts, and all He asks in return is for a thankful heart. Amazing, isn't it?

I encourage you today to find three things you are thankful for not only over the past year, but also today. Then wake-up tomorrow morning, and carry Eucharisteo with you. Watch for things to be thankful to God and be amazed at how much He loves you! Happy Thanksgiving!!

Prayer, Part 2

As I've continued to read The Circle Maker, I've found myself flip flopping on my opinion of it. There are some good points, however I'm not sure it's going to be a go to for me in prayer. Thoughts?

One thing I did like about Batterson's section titled "Praying Through" was the idea of incorporating praise into prayer.  In the book, he says to start praising God for the prayer being answered. All of the examples he gives end according to the person praying's desires. However, I've had a recent experience where that wasn't the case. But being able to praise God in my prayers let me deal with disappointment in a God honoring way.

I felt like things were at a stand still on three things I was requesting from God. I started to praise God for a lot of things I wanted to happen as if they already happened. That didn't feel genuine to me, so I just started to pray praises to God for who He is, not what I wanted Him to do.  Suddenly my shift in my prayers went from what I wanted to focused on God.  As God told me no on certain things, I was sad but felt a peace. I think it was because I know that God is in control. God is sovereign. If things didn't happen like I desired, it is because His ways are not only higher than my understanding but they are also BETTER.

Tonight, our LifeGroup met for a worship, word, and prayer night. As we mixed our prayers with the reading of The Word and the worship of God, the atmosphere changed. I know I felt tired and worn out when we started but at the end I was feeling better and full of HOPE.

My challenge to you is this: instead of making your prayer list a list of requests to God all the time, stop. Stop and spend some time refocusing on Him and who He is. You may not understand all of His ways and you may not be happy tomorrow. But worshiping and affirming the truth of God in your prayers will elevate them to where the enemy cannot touch and put them right in the palm of God's hands.  God will move in your heart and you will be recalibrated to His Rhythm of Grace. 

Do you have a case of the Mondays?

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Corinthians 13:6, 7 NIV)

I think today was supposed to be a day of the Mondays for me. But it wasn't. I woke up this morning and read the YouVersion verse of the day, 1 Corinthians 13:6-7. It reminded me of a Bible study I wrote a few years ago where I replaced the word love with God in order to see the characteristics of God clearly. When I did that, it read like this in my mind:

"God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. God always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Corinthians 13:6, 7 NIV)"

While I was in the middle of praying during my morning commute, traffic came to a sudden standstill and I was involved in a minor fender bender on I-44. But God was there. He was definitely protecting me. I had just stopped with enough room that I didn't bump the car in front of me. The lady behind me just scraped little Nicole Nissan's left rear wheel. She couldn't have been more apologetic or sincere. She probably is a really nice person in everyday life. After we exchanged information, I had to merge from the shoulder back onto I-44, which I looked and saw was going to be impossible. I said a prayer and asked God to help me get on the highway, and suddenly there was a clear break in the traffic. I was able to make it to work and still teach all day. The students were great and rolled with me. They worked hard and we got to end the day on a fun note. I wasn't looking forward to sitting through a meeting after school, but it ended up being very interesting and dare I say, a tiny bit of fun?

God definitely protected me. He definitely chased after my heart and renewed my hope and trust in Him. It could have been a bad day, but instead, by keeping my eyes focused on Him, it's been a tough day of Eucharisteo.

Dear God, I thank you for this Monday. I thank you that you are always protecting me. Thank you for renewing my hope and my trust in you. Jesus, there is no one beside you, forever the hope in my heart.

Poor little Nicole's scrape!! :-(

Saturday's List: Prayers I'm Praying

Here is just a few things that are on my prayer list. I'd love if you would lift these up to The Lord too!

1. I received a letter yesterday from one of my Compassion children, Maria. She was diagnosed with a serious heart infection and had to go to the hospital in the Philippines for treatment. Her mother wrote and asked if I would pray for her complete healing, so I'm asking you to stand with me. Please pray Maria is healed!

2. I've asked God to show Himself in my classroom lately. This week I've seen such a difference. The children are much calmer and even more focused. I was so blessed on Thursday because not only did I work with all my reading groups, but I was also able to work with some students who needed extra help. God is so good!!

3. I'm trying to slow down and be still with God. I'm trying to tell myself that it is ok to rest and relax. I've even prayed I could be sensitive to His leading and slow down. God allowed me some opportunities this week and thankfully, not because of my will, but because of the Holy Spirit, I've listened and slowed down.  

4. I'm always praying for the Nurse and her husband's marriage. I'm thankful that they seek God together. They are getting more involved with their church and doing activities together, like singing in choir. 

5.  Finally, I'm praying lots and lots of wisdom for a really close friend. This year contained a lot of life changing events, with some good and some bad. She now needs some wisdom to make some big decisions. I've prayed wisdom and truth over her mind and heart so she can walk where God is leading her, out on her own personal "Oceans."

Side Note: Hillsong United's acoustic version of Zion released on Tuesday. It is wonderful. I've listened to it while praying and worshiping. I am so moved by it, I've cried every time and have had to just stop to be still in the presence of the Almighty God. If you need a heart revival, I give it two alleluia hands up!!

Prayer, Part 1

Last week I started the book The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson. I'm only 70 pages in it, but it is definitely challenging me to grow deeper in prayer life. I love reading and being challenged to take prayer to the next level. My freshman year of college, I read Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire by Jim Cymballa and was changed forever in my prayer life. I began to understand how powerful prayer is...it unleashes the Holy Spirit within us. A few years ago, I read Sun Stand Still by Steven Furtick and was challenged to pray boldly and in a steadfast manner.  Now as I'm making my way through The Circle Maker, my heart is challenged again.

Batterson calls us to be specific in what we pray about. I needed that jolt. I don't know about you, but I definitely can gloss over things when I'm praying. Sometimes it comes from laziness, I mean I am talking to God. He knows it anyway, right? Sometimes I am not specific because I feel repetitive. God, I already asked you yesterday about that. Sometimes though, I don't get specific because I doubt or fear. God, I've prayed this same prayer since I was 17. Nothing has changed. Will it ever? God, you know I want to pray for this to happen, but I'm afraid of the changes that might accompany it. 

I have written before about how I believe the act of naming is important. I think that is why God wants us to be specific in our prayer life too. When we are specific and intentional in telling God our requests, we fight against the sins of laziness, repetition, fear, and doubt. It honors God because we are showing Him that we trust Him to work on those deep desires of our hearts. It creates a deeper, more intimate bond between us and God.

I don't know about you, but sometimes I take for granted that I get to have a personal relationship with the Mighty God of the Universe. Seriously, it is mind blowing when I think about it. This week I've definitely been more specific about what I'm praying to God. And it has changed me for the better. It has helped me to feel even more connected with God. I feel peace, that peace that passes all understanding.  Most of all, it has helped me to stand firm in my faith. Be specific, name those things on your heart to God. He may not move in the way you expect, but I can guarantee that you will feel stronger in Him and have the peace of Christ in your heart and mind.

Saturday's List of 25 Things

1. When I see #flashbackfriday on social media, it makes me think of Lost. Let's go back to the island, Jack. I'm ready! 

2. Marriage is everywhere...like everywhere this week.

3. I bought red lipstick. 

4. Maybe I'm expecting big things up ahead since I bought red lipstick.

5. Maybe my new hair cut has really turned me into Taylor Swift since I bought the red lipstick.

6. Or maybe I just bought it to be fun, bold, and daring.

7.  Why do the annoying songs stick in your head forever? I woke up several times this past week with a certain woodland creature's song in my head. Annoying. Why couldn't it be something good?

8. Still don't have an idea for a costume. I've bounced around from League of Their Own to Tangled and nothing has excited me. miss KD, can I just come with book written on my face and be "Facebook"? 

9. I love sunrises.

10. I love sunsets.

11. I just love watching God painting masterpieces in the sky.

12. I have no idea how tall I am. 

13. But I do know that there are never cute shoes on the sale rack for my 9.5 feet. If only I was a 7.5.

14. My dog snores. 

15. I'm starting the Circle Maker by Mark Batterson this week.

16. God answers prayer! We have to be faithful, patient, and persistent.

17. Some times my excitement for others' lives changing turns into discontent as I feel like looking at my life and seeing it as stuck.

18. When I'm discontent, I'm thankful for God's forgiveness and grace.

19. A great part of wedding receptions is definitely the cake. I wish you could just order wedding cake anytime you wanted. 

20. I'm not a huge fan of pumpkin pie. Can we have pumpkin cheesecake this year at Thanksgiving?  Or pecan pie? Chocolate cream?

21. I love watching my favorite movie. In fact, I just watched it two weekends in a row.    Want to guess what it is?

22. Autumn Leaves by Yankee Candle is seriously awesome. The smell reminds me of walking by trees with the leaves falling on a sunny fall day. Like the ones I miss from Lawrence, where we had seasons. LE SIGH. I just want to see some fall leaves. 

23. Trying to do a turn in ballet when you are 31 is way different than doing a turn when you are 17. Way different. I may have thought I now have inner ear issues.

22. I miss being at OU a lot this year. Probably means I'm just old.

23. Since I've switched to black coffee, I was surprised at how sweet and rich my Salted Caramel Mocha Latte was this year. I wonder what a Salted Caramel Mocha black coffee tastes like. Maybe that would be a good compromise.

24. Sometimes I wish I could be Anne Shirley from the Anne of Green Gables, red hair and all. Life had to be simpler and gentler then.

25. Psalm 13 is filled with good stuff!!

Halloween...to Celebrate or Not...

     When I became a Christian at 7, I didn't want to celebrate Halloween next year. As a kid, I never really liked the fear factor associated with the holiday. However, my family never celebrated with the gore of the holiday and my parents were very careful to guard my sister and me from that part of Halloween, so I continued with celebrating it.

     As I've gotten older, I've definitely felt conflicted about the holiday. I don't do zombies, vampires, witches, etc. Part of it is because I do have a very sensitive spirit and that stuff bothers me a lot. Part of it is that I know all of it is make-believe and I find it silly. (I know, this may seem conflicting with my love for Narnia and Middle Earth. But to me that's different. I can't explain it. I can read about Bilbo fighting giant spiders and not be affected. I see the sign for Frontier City's fright fest and I have bad dreams. I'm not sure what the difference is, but there is one for me.) Anyway, I've been trying to find the truth on this holiday. Can I celebrate it? Should I celebrate it? As I have read more about grace filled, holy living, the tension existed even more for me. 

     I was praying about what to do. I decided to google it to see what other Christians believe and why. I found a homeschooling mom who explained why her family doesn't celebrate the holiday. I thought, hmmm, ok, maybe I shouldn't celebrate it, even though that felt legalistic to me. I scrolled down to the comments and this other mom had a really amazing answer. She started off by saying that we have to remember Oct.31 belongs to The Lord. If we truly believe He is Lord over all, then we should believe that satan DOES NOT get a day. I totally agree. Sorry, I'm REALLY NOT SORRY,  satan, you've already been defeated at the cross. You don't get a holiday. My God is the creator and maker of all the days, and He created Oct.31. She then went on to tell about how her family celebrates. They pass out candy with a verse attached to it that says how we don't have to be afraid because God is with us. She and her husband make paper lanterns that line their walk way with verses about Jesus being the light of the world. They view the opportunity of people taking their children trick or treating as a time to really witness about Jesus to their neighborhood. I really liked that they were taking an offensive approach to the darkness that surrounds Halloween. They have decided that they are going to have the truth made known.  I love it!  I know it can seem "Jesus-Juke-y."  However, I see it as a way to begin to plant seeds and reach people for Jesus who otherwise might not be open to it. Plus, I love the attitude of standing firm in what you believe. Let's not run and hide from the darkness, but instead use it as a tool to bring the Light into the darkness.

     So where do I fall on the issue? For me, I'm going to continue to celebrate it. But this year, I'm definitely having a fresh perspective. I'm going to carve a couple of pumpkins: one with John 3:16 on it, and the other with "Jesus is the Light of the World" on it. I'm going to get some card stock and print off a verse on it to hand out with candy. Instead of sending a message of darkness or scary things, I will send a message of Light and Love.

     Now, I do not say these things to bring to mind judgement to you. I'm saying as a Christian, I had to seek The Lord on what I felt comfortable in my relationship. Perhaps for you, you can celebrate with all the aforementioned things and it's not a big deal. Maybe for your family it is not a day you even want to be a part of in the slightest way. That's ok. That is where grace comes in. We seek God on these issues and what is right for us and His Grace covers all the in between. Whatever you do or don't do on this holiday, remember that we should do it all for the glory of God to make His name known...and that is just not only on Halloween, but also everyday of our lives. 

Soulful Sunday: God is Able

I've been listening to Hillsong's God is Able CD from 2011 a lot recently.  It has a lot of great worship songs.  I stumbled across this acoustic version on YouTube.  I hope that blesses you and reminds you of the truth of who God is!

It is the little things...

I mentioned a few weeks ago about spiritual warfare and that I was reading a book about it by Chip Ingram. As was reading, a couple of things really hit home to encourage me:

1. Ingram wrote, "Annoying mishaps often cluster around a time of spiritual fruitfulness." I underlined that line. I feel like the past few weeks, tiny little things have irritated me way more than needed. Like the day I realized my Instagram account was made private, the day the windshield wipers wouldn't stop working, the day my dog went to the vet for a dental cleaning and getting the news he needed teeth pulled. Or having the kids spill yogurt all over the tables at lunch in the classroom. The room smelled so bad for the rest of the day.  Or just being so physically tired I had to reschedule dinner plans and miss my Lifegroup. Oh and there was that time I "conditioned" my hair with body wash. I'm still not even certain I got it all out. All these things I'd normally just roll with, but for some reason, they just really bugged me. And the more disgruntled I became, the more I found myself fighting. Fighting against what God wants to do in my life. Fighting for victory.

2. I then read the next few chapters in Ingram's book. It was about how as Christians we think we have to fight for victory, when we should fight from victory because the Holy Spirit lives within. Christ defeated satan when he died and rose from the grave. satan is a defeated foe. All he can do now is try to pull us away from God. But if we stop fighting for victory, and start claiming the promises God has given us, we will be fighting from our rightful place. That has totally changed my perspective. Suddenly the little things don't annoy me anymore as much. I needed that mental shift.

3. Finally I had a friend really affirm some truth this week. She said if I would stop fighting God, then some of this struggle would go away. It confirmed that idea that when we fight against God we open ourselves up to attack. I need to surrender and submit. She also encouraged me to press on because she felt like even though it is hard now, there are some sweet things up ahead. She encouraged me to get real with God. All of this was a great reminder, especially because of my coffee dream I had earlier in September. 

I encourage you...don't let those little things get you frustrated. Do a heart check and get real. And God will restore your joy and your peace. 

Chosen, Set Apart, Loved

"This is the beginning of how husbands and wives forbear and forgive. They are blown away by being chosen, set apart, and loved by God. Plead with The Lord that this would be the heartbeat of your life and your marriage."- John Piper

     It may seem odd for a single gal to write a post on marriage, but I feel like God has changed so much in my mind about marriage I wanted to share it with you as well.

     In the summer of 2012, God placed Jeremiah 18:1-5 in my life. I've blogged about it before, and how that image of God molding me has never really left my mind. God continues to mold me again and again, and in some places I can see why He is molding me in a certain way.

Since the start of 2013, I know God is pursuing me to grow in dependence upon Him. He has reminded me over and over that I was known by Him before I was born to do the good works He has prepared for me (Psalm 139:13; Ephesians 2:10). I know that I am chosen. Recently, through my LifeGroup and staff devotionals, God is reminding me to become set apart, to live a holy life for Him, to be holy because that is what He is (1 Peter 1:15-16). I am trying to walk in His way out of love and to bring glory and honor to His name. Most of all, I know that I am beautiful and loved by Him (Psalm 45:11, John 3:16). He is enthralled with my beauty and loves me so much that He sent His son on a rescue mission to die for my sins so I could spent eternity with Him.

     The way God has molded my clay heart this year in these three ways has truly blown me away. I am more alert and alive to His love and character. It is such a spectacular yet intimate feeling, I cannot put it into words. Yet, I can see the peace in all the hard times of growing and change. God has definitely changed my heartbeat.

     I'll admit, I've felt silly digging these ditches God has called me to dig. But, I've read some great resources on how to view men from a Godly not worldly perspective. Men are not the idiot to be scoffed and laughed at, as depicted by commercials and sitcoms. God has created them with a unique set of characteristics that I've learned to see from God's point of view and respect. (Now, I understand that sometimes men do dumb things...but don't we all? Or is it just me? Sometimes I feel like the queen of dumb things. Like forgetting about a load of laundry for two days, so they were so wrinkled I had to wash it again. It's called being human, right?). Lately God has laid on my heart marriage, so I'm taking the plunge by gaining understanding about how He has created and designed marriage. Suddenly all of this growing of 2013 doesn't seem that crazy. Sure I've been tired and stretched to my human limits, but I feel that perhaps I'm getting a tiny glimpse into why. God is definitely molding me to be more like His Son...and I believe that He is molding me for a purpose, for a marriage that will stand out in this age of darkness and bitterness around marriage. I pray my life and my future marriage are so rooted in Christ that it exudes His love and grace and draws others into a forever relationship with God. I'm thankful for this period of waiting in order to be built up so I can walk ahead strong and courageous, not in fear or worry. I'm thankful my secular worldview of marriage has been replaced with God's truth. I'm thankful that He has helped me to walk in patience and to really exercise Christian forgiveness. Most of all, I'm thankful for how much more I'm in love with God. He will truly fill and blow your mind if you let Him. After all, Ephesians 3:20 states, "God can do far more than you could ask or imagine." 

What I'm Listening To Wednesday

Happy Happy Happy Birthday to the Nurse!!  Love you!!

http://youtu.be/-XEGu2TOiZ0

Short Saturday Post

I've become more interested in spiritual warfare recently due to a lot of circumstances. Part of it has been that the school verse this year is Ephesians 6: 10-18. What does that mean to equip ourselves with the armor of God? Part of it is teaching Beth Moore's Breaking Free. How can we live life as overcomers? Part of it comes from diving more into God's Holiness and wanted to be aware of the devil's schemes. How can I live a holy and alert life? Part of it comes from some personal struggles, like not sleeping well or having bad dreams. How can I finally sleep in peace? I'm reading the Kindle version of Chip Ingram's The Invisible War,  but I may actually have to seek out a hard copy since I can't write my own notes in it. Anyone ever read this? If you have, what are your thoughts? How about other resources out there? I'm taking suggestions and prayers!

Soulful Sunday: Bethel Tides

On Tuesday Bethel's new release, Tides, came out. My life is changed. The musicality of the entire work is excellent. It moves my soul in a deep way, responding to the Spirit. The two videos below are two of my favorites. The words express how my heart is feeling lately. I am overjoyed to put a name to all that is in my heart right now. Enjoy!

Be Still: http://youtu.be/TAPpunj-dMM

Letting Go: http://youtu.be/okmxFDMYuEQ

How about a big cup of BOLD PRAYER this morning?

God challenges us. He picks that area we are afraid to talk about or acknowledge in our lives. He wants us to grow strong in that area, so He places opportunities to help us grow. For me, that area is approaching the throne of God with a trusting, comfortable, BOLD manner.

Last year I was filled with faith and was praying a specific bold prayer. I'll admit, it wasn't easy to get to that place, but God allowed me to experience a couple of things that got me on the bold prayer bandwagon for this specific request. Now that prayer was not answered in the way that I thought and I was left with huge disappointment. And the bulk of the disappointment was in myself. I felt so dumb, like an inept Christian for praying the bold prayer. I was sure I had done something wrong. And because I felt I couldn't discern God's leading correctly, I stopped boldly praying. I was petitioning God with bland requests. No need to pray boldly if I'm going to be wrong. 

God saw that weakness and has been working to change my heart. He has giving me the story of John 11 over and over again, showing me that His timing prevails over our desires. He answers our prayers in the way to give Him the most glory. God and I have been walking this road of trusting His timing until we came to this cliff in my mind. We are here at this cliff. God is asking me to jump off into deep faith. The way I jump is to begin by boldly praying again. I've spent time seeking Him, it's now time to ask Him.

I had a dream last week. I was in a Starbucks in line to order my favorite drink, a salted caramel mocha latte.  I really wanted that drink, but when I got to the counter, I ordered a black coffee. I posted about it on Facebook, and God used a sweet friend to confirm God's leading. She said, "The prophetic dream person in me thinks you need to ask for really bold, sweet things in your prayers." When I saw her comment I dropped my phone because I was so shocked. She had no way of knowing that God was asking me to pray boldly. THAT was definitely the Holy Spirit moving, prompting, asking me to make the jump.

This morning my devotional was from Nehemiah 2:1-9, where Nehemiah asks the king to go back to his homeland to begin rebuilding the ruins. Pretty bold request to ask your boss if you can leave your current job to go back and fix your homeland up. Immediately I thought, Nehemiah was lucky. The king could have killed him. Then I felt God whisper, approach me with same boldness. I've seen you have the same sadness. I want to rebuild your ruins. Ask me, your King. Watch me work in my way and timing. 

I share all of this for two reasons. First, I share it because I want you, my readers, my friends, my family to keep me accountable. Ask me if I'm boldly praying. Ask me if I have approached God with confidence. Ask me if I've jumped off the cliff and into the unknown depths of faith. Secondly, I share this to encourage you to approach God with your bold prayers. Reach out to His mighty throne and ask. His sweet blessings are waiting on the other side.

Saturday's List: Funny Five

Here are FIVE funny videos from YouTube this week.  Enjoy!

1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

Fill 'Em Up, Fill 'Em Up!

If you have read my blog this month, then you will know that my church is in the middle of a series on Elisha, an amazing prophet of God with some ridiculous faith.  Yesterday, Pastor Craig taught from the encounter had with a widow.   She was in debt and her creditors were going to come and take her sons.  All she had her in her house was a small amount of olive oil.  Elisha helps her by calling on God. He gives her specific instructions on what to do.  She takes her family behind closed doors. The woman and her sons gather empty jars and she begins to fill one jar with the olive oil.  The oil multiplies and fills all the jars she gathered.  Then the woman is able to sell the oil, pay her husband's debt and keep her sons.  Definitely a moment where God did more than she asked or imagined.

I have to just SHOUT with praise right now to God!  I laugh about it because I am so amazed!  To quote Margaret Feinberg, I am WONDERSTUCK with God's goodness right now.  You see, I was really impressed about ten days ago when I actually sold two times on my TeachersPayTeachers store.  I thought that was a pretty good start considering the the thousands upon thousands of lesson plans.  BUT GOD (remember those favorite words of mine?)  has done an EPHESIANS 3:20 moment in my store.  I still cannot believe it!  Those small beginnings have now turned an amount so great I would not have guess that it could happen in less than a month of having my store open.  Let's just say it covers my student loan payment....which makes me give up a huge HALLELUJAH!!  I seriously have tasted some of God's goodness.  I feel I can totally relate to the widow Elisha helped.  I took my little bit, and God has multiplied it to fill some empty jars in my life.  All I did was take the small gifts He has blessed me with, and in return He  has multiplied it more than I could have expected.  It has encouraged me to continue on this journey with the Lord because I know any blessing that comes out of this comes from His Hand and not my own.  God is truly FAITHFUL!

Now this excitement of God's faithfulness in this area has spilled over into other areas of my life.  It has increased my faith to where I am finally at peace about some places God has called me to be obedient.  One example is an area I touched on back in February in this post.  I talked about how last August, right around this time actually, I knew God had called me to stop "looking" at potential husband material and to rest and focus on Him.  I was back and forth on the fence, depending on my feelings.  Because seriously, who imagines themselves single at 30?  And waiting on God always makes me think that His timing is even longer than I would want it to be.  Could I wait on God for a year?  Could I wait on God for another ten years?  Twenty years? God continued to encourage me in following Him by renewing my hope.  However, those pesky feelings still got in the way until a moment I've dubbed "Whole Foods Sunday."  In the Godincidence, I felt God truly calling me to surrender and wait on Him.  It has been hard at times to rely on God, especially when no one else around feels the same conviction. The devil has seen this calling as place to just move on in and muck things up in my mind.   I've wanted affirmation from other people that what I experienced was truly God, but God has shown me, that just like my journey with my TeachersPayTeachers site, His way of guiding me is unique to me.  His voice trumps all others.  I only have to take my faith and offer it up expectantly to the Lord, knowing that in His right time He will do more than I could ask or imagine.  I just need to give Him my small amount of faith and my heart in FULL obedience and surrender.  He will not lead me in a negative way.  It may be painful at times, but it is not for my destruction, because my Father gives good and perfect gifts.   The blessing will happen, just like it did with my TeachersPayTeachers site, but it is going to be in HIS time and way, not my own.

Thank You Lord, for blessing my TeachersPayTeachers site beyond what I could have asked or imagined you would do.  Thank you for the small beginnings that you plant in our hearts.  Help me to offer those beginnings up in faith.  Give me the patience to wait because I want to be obedient to Your call.  I trust that you will take my dream jars for my life and overflow them with oil in Your way and Your time according to the plan that will bring You the most Glory.    In Jesus' Name, Amen.

More Small Beginnings...

Last week I posted about finally conquering fear and beginning my Teachers Pay Teacher store. In the post, I wrote about how God had given me a verse from Zechariah 4:10- "Do not despise the small beginnings.". Again the phrase of small beginnings came up as I read my devotion plan this morning over the life of Elisha. 

In this part of his life retold in 2 Kings 3:1-27, we see a huge conflict facing three kings. Their enemy Moab is rearing ahead to defeat them. The King of Israel is in a panic state. The King of Judah remains calm and asks the King of of Israel if there is a prophet, which invites God back into their situation. The King of Israel sends for Elisha, who tells the leaders that God wants them to dig ditches and then in the morning, it will be filled with water. All of that seems very small in perspective of the battle. God being the awesome and faithful God He is, sends water to full those ditches. Meanwhile, the Moabites see the water in the ditches and because the sun reflecting off the water, they think it is blood. They come to the conclusion the three kings fought and killed each other, so they head into Israel in a relaxed state, ready to plunder. Instead, when they get to Israel, the armies are waiting and they drive the Moabites out of Israel. Then the Israelites go into Moab and find victory there as well. 

A large, mind boggling victory came to the people of God after they started small. God told Elisha to tell the people His directions. The people followed, even though it may not have made sense. A victory happened in a way they could not have planned. 

I know that in my life right now I have acted more like the King of Israel than the King of Judah. I've looked at all the things I have to do to have my classroom ready. From reorganizing to lesson planning, my mind hardly slows down these days. I have a thousand ideas for my Teacher Pay Teacher store and not enough time to do it all. In my personal life, I feel like all I can see is defeat up ahead. I know I have been called to do some things specifically, and I've started to dig the ditches, but I won't lie, when I look with my eyes of flesh and not faith, I have no idea how that ditch will be filled with water.  Instead of hitting the panic mode, I need to be more like the King of Judah and invite God back into my situation. I need to stop feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. I need to be still and start small while listening to God's guidance in my situations. He will honor my small starts by coming into my life and "doing more than I could ever ask or imagine." (Ephesians 3:20)

I leave you all with this challenge. What Moab type forces are you facing? Write it down, give it a name. Pray about it and then be still. Invite God back into the situation.  Listen to the small start, the ditch digging guidance He is giving you. Go forward in that, and watch as God brings the victory into your life. 

No Backing Up

Yesterday at church we started a new series about Elisha. You can check it out at www.lifechurch.tv for an online experience. Here were the verses we focused on which tells about Elisha's calling:

So Elijah went from there and found Elisha son of Shaphat. He was plowing with twelve yoke of oxen, and he himself was driving the twelfth pair. Elijah went up to him and threw his cloak around him. Elisha then left his oxen and ran after Elijah. “Let me kiss my father and mother goodbye,” he said, “and then I will come with you.” “Go back,” Elijah replied. “What have I done to you?” So Elisha left him and went back. He took his yoke of oxen and slaughtered them. He burned the plowing equipment to cook the meat and gave it to the people, and they ate. Then he set out to follow Elijah and became his servant. (1 Kings 19:19-21 NIV)

Wow. This is crazy! Elisha receives a word from God through Elijah and IMMEDIATELY obeys! He believes it so deeply he gets rid of a 'plan B' with the oxen and the plow. No doubt in his mind at all.

Sometimes I can see that kind of faith in myself. However, most of the time, I get too easily side tracked by the flesh or what surrounds me. In this way, I see my heart more like Peter than Elisha. I answer the Lord's calling, but then the waves get bigger around me and I take my eyes off God. I doubt and try to find the alternate route, the back-up plan. It never works and I end up starting to drown. Then I find myself crying out, like Peter, "Lord, save me!"

May this story of Elisha become so ingrained into my soul that when I hear the Lord calling me, I too can immediately obey, discard any 'back-up' plans and walk forward in faith.

Don't Let Small Beginnings Stop You...

I'll admit, I am a creative person.  It is one of the things I enjoy about teaching.  I love creating new forms and ways for students to learn about something.  I remember that was one of the things when I worked as a teaching assistant that one of the teacher commented on.  In fact, I always got her art projects because of it.  When I was in grad school and working at the university preschool, I created a whole lesson and activity around "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes."  My roommate again commented on how creative it looked!  Once I started teaching back in 2007, I would always create things for my students to do.  A few years ago, the website, Teachers Pay Teachers started.   I remember looking at things and seeing, "Hey, I probably could do that."  I even had other teacher say, "Hey, you could probably do that."  But I was always afraid.  Afraid it wouldn't be good enough.  Afraid of failure.

There comes a time though, the time to stop being afraid.   There comes a time to take a leap of faith and just do what you know you can do.  I can use my creative abilities and trust that God will do the rest with my Teachers Pay Teachers store items.  I was trying to be too perfect, cover too much material, and basically start off with the million dollar product.  Instead, God gave me this verse a few weeks ago:  "Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin..."(Zechariah 4:10 NLT).  I felt that was a kick in the pants.  Start small, it is ok.  God just wants me to start.  So with that in mind, today I finally uploaded a Back-To-School math theme for my Teachers Pay Teachers store.  I've promoted it the best ways I know- through social media of Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest.  It really is something small compared to most sellers, but you know what?  It is a start.  The store is open now.  I'm now looking at the next small step, and that is to complete the rest of the Back-to-School theme with a reading component by the end of this week.

It feels great to do something with the gifts God has given me.  It also feels really great to punch fear in the face and obey.  I'm excited to see what He does with these small beginnings, knowing that He will be faithful.

Soulful Sunday: The Greatness of Our God

When I need to recalibrate my heart back to The Lord and reclaim space I've let the enemy fill with worry, defeat, or hopeless feelings, I listen to this song. It is such a beautiful song about how great God is and a reminder of the peace we can when we focus on the great mystery of God. Here is the link: http://youtu.be/htO_MXS4Ems

Happy Sunday y'all!!

Saturday's List: Where I've Been for a Month!

1. First big news from the past month: THE NURSE GOT MARRIED! It was an amazing day! All the planning and stressing came together and a beautiful, God-filled day happened. You see, as much as they wanted a smooth wedding day, things kept coming up to derail their joy. First the church had to be changed because of some flooding. Then the organist got pneumonia. It seemed like it was one thing after another. However, on the actual day, God was there, piecing it all together. I couldn't get the Nurse's sash tied, and was to the point of watching a YouTube video on it, when the flower girl's mom came in and saved the day. Then we were trying to call in a delivery lunch, which said we were out of delivery radius, when the flower girl's grandpa offered to pick it up. Over and over God whispered and showed up. And over and over I was reminded of Psalm 45:11. It was a great day! Here's the link to the pictures: http://amandagracephotography.zenfolio.com/p687638377 .

2. I've been busy tutoring all summer. It has been fun at times, while other times the fun level dips to a negative level. It's the first time I've encounter some kids that I really have to ask God to give me the eyes to see them the way He sees them. I've really had to learn to rely on Him to be patient and kind when I see those kids walk through the door and have a seat.

3. I've been quite the local theatre supporter, going to see 9to5, and Hairspray this month. Both are really fun shows and I may or may not have quietly sung along to both. :-)

4. Last weekend, I went to visit Miss A and her family. They were very gracious to host me despite Miss A being pregnant with Little PBJ, getting ready to move, and "Mulan"'s six birthday. I played Barbies, helped pack (which Miss A informed I've done before), and watched some good 90s Nickelodeon shows. I'm so blessed by their friendship!

5. God and I are having an in-the-desert wrestling match over who is in control. I'll be honest, I have a lot of anxiety over school starting in two weeks. I grew to love my class in a deep way last year, and I know it won't be the same. I'm afraid of the unknown with the new class. Not to mention there has been some moving around with different staff positions, so I feel like everything is all different. Miss T, one of my team members sent me this guest post from Ann Voskamp's blog: http://www.aholyexperience.com/2013/07/when-your-spirit-hungers-how-to-be-done-with-worry/. I read it and realized that most of my prayers lately were worry and fear messages to God. If I believe He is who He says He is, then why am I worried? God goes before me, beside me, and after me. He doesn't leave or fore sake me. I need to look to Him and TRUST.

6. The last thing I've been wrestling with God is what I like to call Digging Ditches. You see, the past seven months, God has done and will continue to do a work to change my heart. He has removed trash, helped me conquer fears, and restored hope. I know that I am a completely different person and that has bled over into all my outlooks on life, ideas about parenting, finances, and even marriage. As I've finished my very personal journey with Jesus, He placed a phrase "digging ditches," on my heart. I didn't understand until I prayed more, and now I'm currently reading Wild at Heart and For Women Only. Both are excellent about how to view men from a Godly, Christ-like perspective. It truly is helping to break down stereotypes and affirm truthful things I've encountered about men. I went back and listened to a 2011 Steven Furtick message called "Digging Ditches" because I've been very intrigued by this phrase God gave me. I thought I hadn't heard it, but as I listened, it was a good reminder that in order to receive God's blessings we have to follow the Holy Spirit and do prep work sometimes. Initially when I thought about all this ditch digging, I thought, well that means God is finally bringing my two into my life. I mean if I was in control of my life, that's what I'd say is happening.  After praying and being still, and surrendering control back over to God, I'm just resting in the mystery of the ditch digging. I've learned that sometimes God asks us to do something or shows us something and because His ways are higher, we misinterpret them with our feeble minds. Yes, I feel like I'm "ditch digging". Yes, it has to do with changing my perspective on men. Do I know what the outcome is? Nope. But I can trust that God will fill that ditch with what He choses. Maybe it will be a spouse. Maybe I'm going to have a rugged boy-filled classroom this year. Whatever way the ditch is filled, I need to stop trying to grasp control from God and surrender to the mystery.

7. Finally, I've unleashed my inner decorator and redid my bedroom! Pictures below:

Saturday's List: Three Dreams

Alright, all you psychological minded people, you can come analyze my mind! I've had some crazy dreams this week! You may not be able to figure them out, but I hope they give you a laugh!

1. The first dream I was in this old farmhouse (I'm in a farmhouse a lot in my dreams) in the dinning room. I was getting ready for a baby shower using aqua and orange colored decorations. Some man walked into the room and dropped off two newborn babies. Then he left! The babies started to cry, so I had to put down the decorations and soothe them. Once they were quiet, I turned around to finish decorating and then the babies made more noise. So I turned around to them and they were in high chairs, a little bigger, covered in food and then there was a third new baby in a walker on the floor! I felt stressed because people were coming and I had to finish the party up AND clean the babies off! I finally got back to decorating when I turned back around and there were now two toddlers, an older infant, and another new baby. Thankfully, I woke up. What's funny about that dream is two days later, a good friend of mine called to tell me she is pregnant!

2. Teacher friends, you'll recognize this dream. Usually I have this dream in July, but it came early this year. I don't know if it's because I'm missing my class and my coworkers. Anyway, it was the first day of school. The power was out but we still had to have school. I had this little girl and boy that were constantly standing and running on top of the tables. I was trying to have us to do an art project, but the kids kept saying they couldn't understand my language. I tried to show them what to do with the paper, but it didn't work. Lunch time came, and I had to serve them all from a hot bar. The kids started complaining and throwing food and then running out of the room. At that point, I woke up. I figure that my real life first day in August cannot be as bad as my dream, right?

3. The last dream is pretty short and simple to describe. I was dreaming I was a lady's maid on Downton Abbey. We were getting things ready for another Crawley wedding and I had the job of getting the blankets ready for all the rooms. Not sure what that is about, unless it just means I'm ready to watch season four!

God's Pursuit of Us

On Tuesday, I mentioned the book Love Does by Bob Goff. I wrote that one of my favorite chapters was when he pursued his wife. I wanted to tell you why today. 

In the book, Bob has this radar, maybe even the Holy Spirit, that goes off as soon as he sees his Sweet Maria. The same thing didn't happen for Sweet Maria, so Bob spends three years pursuing her...and often not in a very traditional way.  His first grand gesture was a giant Valentine's Day card followed by a string of PB&J sandwiches. I won't give too many details away, as I think everyone should go read the book. At the end of the chapter, Bob says that because of what he went through with Maria, he is more in tune with the ways God is continually pursuing us.

I love that idea. God didn't just pursue us one time. You know, the idea that God woos us until we make a decision to follow Him. After that, no more pursuit until heaven. What a trap I think we can fall into! God pursues us every day, all day. We have just have our eyes open to experience it and take it in. I know that for me, becoming an intentional gift counter has helped me to see God's love for me everyday.

An example of this great pursuit happened yesterday. I was really tired for some reason when I woke up. I also wasn't in the best mood because I was struggling with some old thorns, and I was having to take those thoughts captive. As I was reading my Bible, just the right verse popped out at me. I knew God was pursuing me, telling me His truth about me. Then on the way to work, I looked up at the sky, and the clouds just seemed to make a beautiful heart shape in the sky. I knew God did they for me, like a giant Valentine card, reminding me how much He loves me. I am His and He is mine. Right before I got out of the car, one of my favorite songs came on the radio, and I knew God just wanted me  to know that even though I was tired, that old habits may never completely go away, I am still loved by Him. His grace covers and strengthens me. And, He pursues me every day, I just have to have my eyes and heart open to it.

Go, go open your eyes. Open your heart up to the art of being pursued by the God of the Universe. Delight in His love for you. God may have touched my heart through His word, His creation, and music for me because He knows that my creative heart is more tuned into those things. But for you it might be different the way He pursues you. It could be in a variety of ways. And if you feel like you can't see it, be honest with Him and ask Him. God will be faithful and show you that He is pursuing you with His mighty love everyday. 

What I'm Listening to Wednesday

I love this song.  As I have been going through this growing process with Jesus, over and over He has asked me to be still and wait on Him.  The chorus is so perfect!  I hope that it can help you turn your eyes to Him.  It is so beautiful...when I was at the concert on Saturday, all I did was lift my hands and cry and let my spirit speak during this song.  Be refreshed this midweek!

Come with me...

Last week, in my journey to deconstruct my walls that I had erected in my life, Jesus led me to this scripture in the Beth Moore study I'm doing.  It is from Song of Solomon, a book I normally skip because I think, "That stuff is for married people.  When I get married one day, I will read through it."  However, it was a really sweet and tender passage, just the right group of 'honey words' I needed to hear:

 My beloved spoke and said to me,

    “Arise, my darling,

    my beautiful one, come with me.

See! The winter is past;

    the rains are over and gone.

Flowers appear on the earth;

    the season of singing has come,

the cooing of doves

    is heard in our land.

The fig tree forms its early fruit;

    the blossoming vines spread their fragrance.

Arise, come, my darling;

    my beautiful one, come with me.” - Song of Solomon 2:10-13

I really felt like the Spirit was speaking this directly to me.  The hard time of "winter" in my life of having to lay down control, pride, and sadness is over.  God is creating and renewing a Spring season in my life now.  The hard work of pruning is over and I am beginning to bear some fruit and radiate the scent of Christ to others.  I just need to grab the hand of Jesus and let Him lead me out of these walls and start walking with Him.  As I was praying about this idea of just walking and not knowing where this journey would lead, an image very similar to the picture below came to mind:

     Bob Goff talks about our life with Jesus as an adventure in his book Love Does.  It is an excellent read.  The first time, the second time, probably even the 400th time.  I feel like after reading and re-reading, I know this guy on a personal level, so I'm going to refer to him as Bob.  (He probably would be ok with that.)  Some of my favorite chapters in the book are about how he pursues his wife and his account of his children's ten-year old adventures.  Bob says this at the end of describing the adventures, "Even though Jesus' disciples were older, they must have felt like my kids did on their ten-year-old adventures.  they saw joy and suffering, triumph and tragedy, and in the end there was just a man, an idea, and an invitation without a lot of details.  The disciples were unschooled and ordinary like my kids, like all of us.  Yet they didn't need all the details because they were on an adventure with a father who wanted to take them.  You don't need to know everything when you're with someone you trust."  

     Bob is right.  Jesus is calling me to come with Him.  I don't know the details of this journey.  But I can trust God that what is ahead will be what He has allowed to come into my life so I can be a best witness of His love and glory to others.  I'm grabbing His hand and we are walking ahead....Destination: Heaven. Details to get there, like sights to see or pit stops:  Unknown.  But that is OK!  :-)

Walls Around Your Heart

     Walls are good.  Walls keep things separated and keep things out.  Walls provide protection and security.  Even in the Bible, Proverbs tells us to guard our hearts.  That verse always made me think of building a wall like this around your heart.  God clearly wants us to have boundaries around our hearts to help us stay living a life that is pleasing to Him.  

     What I think happens, and what God has CLEARLY shown me lately is that some of my walls I have are not His walls for holy living, but rather walls I have created to keep myself safe.  God has shown me that those walls are my feeble attempt at a way to protect myself from getting hurt by people or situations.  You see, we all get wounded in life.  I think for me, wounds from other people hurt the most, whether they intentional meant to hurt me or not.  I know part of that comes from the way God designed me as a "Feeler-Type" personality.  When wounds like that happen, I tend to erect the wall faster than you can count to three and then after that, no one can tread inside.  I protect myself as best as I can to avoid hurt.  But who is keeping that wall intact?  Me.  Who build the wall? Me.  Why did I built that wall?  Well, basically because I don't trust.  I don't trust others.  And, as much as it sickens me to type this, a lack of trust in God. 

     There is this lovely lady I work with at my school.  She is so wise and sweet.  She has this comforting sounding Southern accent.  And of course, she gives the best hugs.  In fact, I consider it a "superdeduper" day if I see her and get a hug.  She said something a few weeks ago that I know Jesus wanted me to hear in deconstructing these walls.  She said, "The Lord doesn't allow something to happen in our lives that hasn't passed through the throne room of Grace first."  Go ahead, you know you want to write that down.  God has really shown me in the past couple of months that same concept over and over again.  He is in control of my life.  He doesn't promise a trouble free life, but rather that when trouble comes, I can take heart in Him.  He will use all things for His glory in my life.  If I get a wound, God can heal it and turn it around for His good.  I cannot rely on myself for protection, but rather, instead depend on God to protect me.  He will bring people and circumstances into my life that will make more into His masterpiece, His design of Amy.  Because of this revelation, I have slowly taken down the walls I built to keep my heart safe and leaving His walls in tact. I'll admit, I am afraid on what is on the other side of these walls.  But I know that as I keep holding onto my Savior's hand, He will lead me in the best way.  And if things happen and I get a wound, guess what?  Jesus is still right there beside me, healing me and loving me all the way home.

Soulful Sunday

      Last night, I had the opportunity to go to Hillsong United.  I just love seeing them in person.  Every time I see them, I get more excited for heaven.  I can't wait for the day when we will all just sit in God's presence and worship Him 24/7.  It fills the longing of my heart and soul, that deep place that nothing else can fill or touch. It was especially moving last night as these past six months, even ten months, have been a huge growing season for me in Jesus.  It has been hard and I've been disappointed at times.  Actually a lot of the time.  And, I won't lie, there have been times I have wanted to quit as well.  But through lots of encouragement, I feel like I'm actually in a better place than I was in last year at this time.  Anyway, at Hillsong, as we sung this song last night, these words expressed exactly how I have felt.  Tears flowed out of my eyes as I sang the truth of these words out:  "I will fight to follow, I will fight for love.  To throw my life forever into the triumph of the Son.  Let Your love be my companion in the war against my pride, long to break all vain obsession till You're all that I desire."