Matchmaker Monday: When Singleness Is Hard

Being single is hard.  I'm not even going to try and sugar coat it.  It is hard when you are in high school and all of your friends except you had a prom date.  It is hard when you are in college and are constantly "friend-zoned."  (I've been there.  I'm the Emperoress of Friend-zone land.  Which kind of looks like Elsa's ice castle and I'm singing 'Let it Go' for a number of reasons.)  It is hard in your late twenties when EVERYONE is getting together with their special someone, whether through dating or marriage.  It is hard in your thirties when your friends are popping out babies faster than you can keep up.  (2014- A very fertile year for lots of people I know.) Being single is hard.

Why do I say that? Why am I pointing out how hard it is?  Well because sometimes I think that people don't acknowledge it.  Especially Christian people and friends.  I was reading Job out of the Message last week at a small group.  As we went through it, I noticed something about Job and his well meaning friends.  You see, Job was suffering great losses because of evil in the world.  Satan was trying to draw Job away from God by causing all kinds of loss.  In fact, it got to the point, Job just sat and mourned his state of life.  He didn't know that Satan was causing all the bad.  No, Job was clueless as to the part he was playing.  Job's friends heard about his suffering and came and silently mourned with him.  But after some time, they began to offer their advice, which sounds more like, "Hey Job, you must have done something to make God mad.  Figure out your sin, repent of it, and then you'll be restored."  Job kept listening to the advice and maintained he hadn't done anything wrong.  In fact, Job finally becomes frustrated and angry with God the more he listened to the council of his friends.

Now, I'm not equating singleness to the suffering of Job.  But I have encountered a lot of friends during my singleness that are like Job's friends.  They offer advice, which if you are single you've heard. "Well, be more content with Jesus.  Once you're satisfied in Him, your spouse will come into your life."  "Maybe if you went to another church where it was easier to meet people." "When I gave up and stopped looking, that is when it happened."  "Have you tried online dating?"  "What about set-ups?"  "Keep asking God, He will bless you with someone soon."  "Maybe God is trying to teach you something."  The list goes on.  You all could probably fill the comments section with well meaning but not the best advice.  Why do I say it isn't the best?  Because often times for singles, that advice can plant a seed where we can easily become frustrated and angry with God, just like Job.

Does that mean I want all my friends or family to leave me alone when it is hard?  No, probably the exact opposite.  I think what all single people desire when it gets hard is what Job's friends did first.  We just need you to sit and listen for a while.  Come over to our house and watch some TV with us.  Meet us for a run at the park.  Help us discover our favorite ice cream flavor.  And when it is really hard and we just need someone to cry with us for a moment, hand us a tissue.  Then, remind us, not of us, not of our situation, but instead, remind us of God's character.  Instead of advising our situation, remind us that we serve the Great I AM.  Remind us that God is a good and perfect father, giving us good and perfect gifts.  Remind us that God loved us so much that while we were still sinners God sent Jesus to die for us.  Remind us that God has a plan for us, one that will show the world of His Love. Remind us that while we may have trouble in this world, God will give us peace. The truth of WHO God is will carry us through the hard times.

So if you are single and it is hard right now, find someone or a few someones to sit with you in the hard time.  Point yourself back to the truth of God's character.  Spend sometime being honest with God.  It won't "magically" fix your situation, but it will fix your focus onto GREATER things.  And then you can walk forward into the hard times.