Throwback Thursday- Aunt Milda

     Today in social media land, it is "Throwback Thursday."  In my heart, its the birthday of one of my favorite people that lived.  She would have been 97 years old today.  She was my great aunt Milda.  As you can see in this picture of me from the hospital (I was a preemie, by the way, hence the cords and such), we always laughed whenever we were together.  I'll never forget the way she always wanted to laugh and have a good time.  I wish I could take that memory of that laugh and put it on a CD to play out loud for others to hear.  It always makes me happy!

      Aunt Milda was a woman whose life is having a generational impact.  She was married, but never had any children of her own.  She then was a widow.  Yet, she never let any of that steal her joy.  Her house was always welcome for company and she was a wonderful hostess, making sure that you never left her table hungry.   She taught my mom a lot about entertaining, which my mom is passing on down to my sister and me.   She showed me grace in action when my sister was born and I had a huge case of jealousy and was pouting in the corner.  Instead of scolding me, she took me into her lap and loved on me.  She loved the Lord with all her heart.  In fact, some of my earliest God memories involve her, whether it was going with her to church or to see a Billy Graham revival.  Her faith impacts my life daily.  Education was important to her because she was a former teacher, and wanted to make sure that I got an education as well.  She was my first pen pal, the first person I got to understand why written words were important.  I still have some of those letters I wrote to her as a six year old.

    Writing about Aunt Milda is hard for me.  You see, even though she died seven years ago, I can still remember our last moments together in the hospital as I told her good-bye.  In fact, I have tears streaming as I'm typing.  When I was in middle school, she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's.  For  ten years, our family watched this intelligent, fun loving, faith filled person pass from our eyes.  My mom's sister, my Aunt Gail, had the insurmountable task of being her caretaker during this time.  It was hard on her, and hard on me in a selfish way too.  You see, during those ten years, I had important milestones I would have loved for her to be there for: high school and college graduations.  But because of the Alzheimer's it wasn't possible.  After she was moved into a nursing home, I still tried to write to her, especially because I wanted her to know that I was going to graduate school.  I went to visit her on her 90th birthday, the last time I heard her laugh.  Then, just two months later, the Lord called her home.

    When I visited her grave this past summer out in Denver, I realized there are other life milestones I wish she could be here for: The Nurse's wedding, my wedding, if I had children.  I would want her smiling face and laugh, celebrating all these accomplishments.  But God has a different plan.  His plan was that Aunt Milda would have such an impact on my life, that I would then pass her spirit and ways down to the next generation, even if she isn't here in person.  Just like she found joy in me when I was a child, I try to find joy and laugh with my students.  Just like her faith was important to her, I try to be close to Jesus and also tell others about it.  Just like she was a friend to all, I try to include every one. Aunt Milda's life is one that truly demonstrates this verse:   Psalm 78:6- "so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children."  Happy Birthday Aunt Milda!

What I'm Listening to Wednesday

"Flower, flower, don't you worry.  Your day will come before you die."

Another recommendation from Spotify since I love the Civil Wars.  :-) This is such a fun group and I love to see fellow chicks playing the banjo!  You go girls!  Enjoy the Vespers, they are great!

Tapestry of Grace

"Our lives a tapestry of grace

Your hand has weaved together

In You no thread will ever fray

This hope is ours forever

Your work of art a mystery

Beyond all earthly measure

Your love for us a masterpiece

Jesus our hope always."- Hillsong United

     I love art and all its forms.  I love painting and drawing. I can remember sitting in my third grade art class wanting to be an artist.  I remember the art class I took at OU in college, and the professor commenting that I should become an artist.  (Unfortunately for me, that was not what I had mapped on my degree plan at the time.)  I love drama and the theater.  I loved getting up on stage and making others' laugh at my antics.  I still get to use that side everyday when I read stories to my kindergarten class.  I love dance, taking ballet, tap, jazz, and even a bit of hip hop growing up.  I've even been known to dance a little in the car when one of my many jams comes on.  For me, it is easy to understand God as the Creator and Almighty Artist because I can relate to this characteristic.  I am in awe of His beautiful creation constantly. In fact, spring is coming up, my favorite time of year because you can see all the new things He creates.  I've noticed my gift list is filled with God and His creator heart.

     God has been whispering something new to me lately though.  One that I have heard before, but I think He wants me to understand as I am seeking Him more.  Back in September or October, we had a teacher share at staff prayer this verse: Ephesians 2:10-For we are God's masterpiece.  He has created us anew in Christ Jesus so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago (NLT).  This truth has been everywhere.  Over and over again, God has reminded me that I am His piece of artwork.  He is the Master Artist and He is painting my life story for His glory.  Currently, I feel a little more like this picture:

A giant blob of paint.  It looks like nothing right now.  You might think that it is a group of clouds, snow covered trees, or maybe even the ocean.  It is hard to tell right now what the artist's intention is in this picture.  Would you hang this picture up in your living room or bedroom?  Would it become the central inspiration piece for a dining room?  Or does it look like a giant finger painting that a small child might create, not worth of much else except to the child and perhaps the parent?

Now look at this painting.  This of course is considered one of the great masterpieces of our time.  "Starry Night" by Vincent Van Gogh.  You can look at this picture and see the passion behind his creation of a night in country.  He tried to capture the vividness of the heavens.  The little blob above is a part of this picture.  I took it from the part by the town.  Would you have guessed that blob was part of a masterpiece?  I probably wouldn't have.

     The point that I think God has been driving home to me lately is that even though I feel like I'm a  "blob," it doesn't mean that is what my life is about.  My life, the whole entity of it, is God's Masterpiece.  He has a plan for me, a plan that will showcase His glory to the world if I will only allow Him to be that Master Artist in my life.  I may long for the control of the brush, the control of perspective, but the picture is only going to turn out as a masterpiece as long as I leave it in His hands. He is using the dark and the light points, the highs and the lows, the seen and the unseen to create a masterpiece.  He uses it all.  As the lyrics from "Tapestry" state, "Your work of art a mystery."  Right now, my masterpiece is a mystery.  I am that mysterious work of art.  When will the mystery be solved?  That day that I meet my Jesus face-to-face.  Until then, I have to trust completely in His grace and plan for me.  The Master Artist is at work!

Taking the Mystery out of the Seeking

   Last Christmas, Miss K gave me a metal paper holder that had this verse on it.  She told me that she really felt God lay on her heart that I needed to hear that message of seeking Him. As soon as she shared that with me, I saw or heard that verse everywhere.  Seek Him.  Seek Him.  Over the past two months, I've tried pressing more into Him through all kinds of methods.  I was gung-ho at the beginning of the year to do three Bible reading plans, listen only to podcasts of sermons, and spend at least twenty minutes of my day in a meditative prayer state.  I wanted to do this seeking God business that I kept hearing about.

    Since I am a human being who is not perfect and cannot live up to anyone's expectations, including my own, I failed miserably.  I couldn't follow this plan, which left me wondering, "How can I really seek God?"  I want to press more into Him, I want to know more about Him.  I want to be filled up by Him.  After going through this process of letting go of control, and just letting God guide me, He entered in with His answer.

     At our school chapel on Wednesday, Chris Spradlin spoke.  I knew it was going to be a good chapel, having become familiar with him and his wife through church.  Both of them are great speakers, always sharing the truth of God in a simple manner.  Chris wanted the kids to begin seeking God on their own.  He gave them four easy things, which spoke to me in my own search of the way to seek God.  Here they are:

1. Read your Bible.  (Or in the case of some of the kids, have your parents read it to you.)
2. Go to church.  Learn from teachers there and fellowship with other believers.
3. Pray.  It doesn't have to be fancy, just communication with God.
4. Serve others.  Look around to others and see who needs a helping hand.

     As chapel finished up, I sat there with my mind blown.  Here I was, trying to turn this "seeking God" into a huge mystical process.  In reality, it was simple, uncomplicated, and easy.  I felt God saying, "You are doing that.  You are seeking me.  It isn't going to be complicated, just turn and look to me."  I felt reassured that I am doing the things to continue to seek God.  It isn't about a rigid set of rules on how to find God or learn more about Him.  If we stop and chose a relationship with Him, one that is guided by Him, and not ourselves, we will seek and find Him.  Stop trying so hard like I was, and start making it simple.  He is closer than you think.

Soulful Sunday

I'm pretty much in love with this song...It sounds exactly how my heart feels about Jesus right now!

Saturday's List

Book List

I've decided to keep track this year of the books I'm reading. I think it will be fun to look back on the list at the end of the year. If you have any recommendations, send them my way!

1. The Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer: This one was a re-read for me. I loved it the first time I read it because it helped changed me from a "worse case" mindset to one that is victorious in Christ. I read it again on the advice of Miss K, to help get my mind free of Satan's accusations that "I'm crazy." Instead I've found that I have the mind of Christ that is rooted in His word and those words I can use to defeat Satan. Boo-ya Devil!! You better step off!
2. Grace Awakening by Charles Swindoll: This was one I was familiar with because my parents read it when it first came out. I actually bought my copy as a gift for a friend who ended up already having it. So you could say it was a total Godincidence I ended up reading it. God really laid it on my heart to focus on grace these first few months of the year. It was a life changing book. I had so many legalistic mind sets dominating my walk with God. Not to mention a lot of past hurts from a lack of grace I couldn't receive that I needed healing for my heart. I can see why its a modern day classic and I highly recommend it.
3. Crazy Love by Francis Chan: This was another re-read. I took away a different perspective of God this time. The first time I read it, I remember my take away was that I needed to love others with more compassion and grace. See the Jesus in other people. This time I was hit with how big and powerful our God is. He is in control of my life, your life, and the entire stretch of time. His plan is not always for what we think is best or for our comfort, but rather for His best and for His glory to be made known. And it redeemed the word crazy for me.
4. The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien: I started re-reading this after I saw the movie. I was working through some big personal issues with Jesus and I really didn't want to read a chick lit type book. I figured that it would be fairly distracting to read about fantasy characters of hobbits, dwarves, and Gollum. While enjoyable, as always, Jesus was using the character of Bilbo Baggins to show me my heart of control. Just like Bilbo's reluctance to go on the adventure, I too have a reluctance when God calls to me to come to him. I'd rather stay in my hobbit hole, with the assurance of a second breakfast. But if we step out with God, who knows all he things he could use us for...just like Bilbo. (Disclaimer: unlike Mr. Baggins I do not have hairy feet nor would my height qualify me for hobbit status. It's purely a heart thing.)
5. Pursued by Jud Wilhite: I've just started this little gem. I'm only 20 pages in and God is blowing my mind away. When I was praying about my words for this year, wrapped up in the idea of dependence was the fact that I needed to let God pursue me. When I saw this book came out and had such a meaningful word to me right now, I knew I had to read it. Now, I'll be honest, I haven't been the most gung-ho about it, but I know it's truth will be life changing. Plus, it is endorsed by all of my favorite pastors and teachers.

Your turn. What are you reading this year?

Releasing Control, Pt.6

As I was becoming more aware of my need for repentance for my sin of control, wading through all the muck of it, God whispered His sweet Grace to me.  I felt so disgusting because to me, my sin of control is the worst in my eyes.  I'm trying to do the job of the Supreme Creator of the universe.  Who I am I that I should try to take over?  Who am I that thinks my way and  my desires are better than His ways and His desires for my life?  I am just an extra in the movie of God's life.  I was rolling around in the muck of all of this until last Thursday, when God blessed me with a snow day.

I woke up, reluctant to have my quiet time with God because I just couldn't face Him with the sin of control all over myself.  I felt like I had screwed so many things up with my desires.But God, in His graceful nature, just asked me to come to Him, to fall down at His feet and just experience His love.  I don't need to hide behind my self-imposed fig leaves.  He whispered so many sweet things to me, things to remind me of His love for me.  All I did was to sit and let the Holy Spirit come in and wash over me and make me clean again. Because of the snow day, I was able to sit uninterrupted and unhurried as I allowed healing to take place in my heart.  That night as I went to sleep, my heart was so full and at peace.

A few days later, as I was reading my 1000 gifts list for the year, I saw this scripture on my list:
       He forgives your sins—every one. He heals your diseases—every one. He redeems you from hell—saves your life! He crowns you with love and mercy—a paradise crown. He wraps you in goodness—beauty eternal. He renews your youth—you're always young in his presence. (Psalm 103:3-5 MSG)

I've personalized it to make it my own on this journey to release control:
      He forgives your sins Amy, every one, including the sins of pride.  He heals your diseases, every one, including the controlaholic.  He redeems you from hell, saves your life!  He crowns you with love and mercy, a paradise crown for His Beloved Princess.  He wraps you in goodness, you now have a beauty eternal.  He renews your youth, you're always young in His presence, and you can start over because He makes All Things New.