Releasing Control, Pt.3

Once I got the taste of what it was like to control things, I went super crazy in college.  I was one of those weirdos that took my degree plan and mapped it out to the last class I would ever need with no deviations after my sophomore year.  I honestly was probably the worst roommate ever because I would try to control how clean the living room and kitchen of where I lived all the time.  I had no grace for myself or others during this time.  God tried to show me that He was in control multiple times, but I was so thick-headed I didn't hear it.  First, He allowed Miss A to move away after sophomore year. That was not in my plan.  How was I going to survive my fellow old lady leaving?  While I was on a six week mission trip to Ukraine, my roommate informs me via e-mail (which mind you was not as reliable or instant as in 2013) that she is not returning to school that fall.  I scrambled for living arrangements.  That was not in my plan.  When I returned from the trip, I had gall bladder surgery and my grandma died within one month.  Those two things?  Really not in my plan for my college experience.  Then, when I felt like things were finally going to plan, the house I lived in got infested with skunks (So THAT'S why that cute guy in my Islam History class wouldn't talk to me...all my clothes were skunk scented.) and I found out that I had to graduate a semester early!  I literally ran out of classes to take!  So much for that degree mapping plan.

You would think that after all of that, the need for control would stop.  Instead, it intensified because I knew I didn't have it all together and I was struggling to maintain my grip on everything.  God continued to try and show me of my need to let Him control things while I was in graduate school.  However, it wasn't until I finished school completely God started to break my need for control by breaking my pride. I ended up taking a job that I thought was totally beneath me at the time.  I wanted a high paying job with a business card when I finished school and instead I ended up teaching preschool.  Nothing more humbling to pride than having to help a kid who pooped their pants.  It was one of the best God moments when I look back at it.  I worked with some amazing women who not only taught me how to better take care and educate kids in a Godly manner, but they also showed me what a real grace filled relationship with the Lord looks like.  I'll be forever grateful for that time there, and thankful God broke me of my pride and need to control so I could grow.

However, with any sin that is an addiction, it can just come roaring back and try to over take your life, and that is just what happens next.