Eucharisteo. Trust. Dependence. These are the three words God has given me for this year of 2013. These words are my focus, my vision, my guidelines to all that God wants to do within me. Are these words easy? No, in fact, if I would have my way, I would pick three different words to allow me to guide my vision this next year. They are growing words, words that are filled with change, words that scream to me that my life will be different by the end of 2013. Am I comfortable with that? No. I'll admit, I don't like change. I don't like risk. I don't like chance. Call me guarded, hidden, a fortress. Whatever you chose, I know that you are right. I do have walls, I do have mistrust in my heart, I do have places I want to keep hidden and secret. I want to depend on myself only because I have a suspicious eye towards others. I have known the bitter taste of rejection. I have known the part of you heart that when it gets hurt, it feels like skin has rubbed away and you walk around with a gaping wound. I have known the disappointment. I have known the spirit of envy and entitlement. I have even known to be so stubborn I'll move a 200 pound TV alone, without any help.
But God, which are some of the most lovely words in His scriptures, has a different plan for me. He wants me to turn to Him. To give Him all of me, to let Him in all the places I try to hide. He want me to unfurl my fists of disappointment and heartache and have open hands of thanksgiving and praise. He wants me to trust in His promises, trust Him that He is a good and perfect gift to my wounded heart, and of course to trust that His ways are much better than mine. He wants me to surrender my dreams and expectations to trust His dreams and expectations for my life. He wants me to stop trying to rely on my own strength to battle through each day, and instead wake up ready to drawn upon His strength, so at the end of the day I can say, "I've accomplished today only by HIS GRACE."
During the first 21 days of January, I felt called to fast from social media. I knew God wanted me to speak to me about these words, speak to me about some promises, and just speak to me in general. While I love social media and find it useful, I know that it had become a conglomeration of white noise that was supporting my walls. I'll be honest, I expected that the more time I spend with God, the more God might speak words to be that didn't call for so much openness. I expected Him to guide me in a particular direction and instead I found myself going in a completely different way, in His way. The annoyance I felt at a change in my plans led to arguments and running from my daily quiet times. But, as any wise person in the Lord will tell you, as soon as I ceded and waved the white flag, peace that passes understanding filled my heart.
These words, eucharisteo, which means thanksgiving, trust, and dependence are dangerous words. They are calling for me to be ready for all that God wants to do with me in my life. The dangerous words are asking me if I can be like Mary and say, "I am the Lord's servant. May it be to me as you say." Even though I may appear to succeed in these three ways this year, I know it will be with only God's grace covering me. So, in the call to be open with others, won't you please join this stubborn, selfish, suspicious princess as she is transformed into a grateful, trusting, dependent princess?
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