Releasing Control, Pt.4

    As I mentioned yesterday, my need for control was a sin of addiction.  I felt like I slowly was broken of my need for control and then my 28th birthday happened.  That whole year I was keeping my eyes open to opportunities to meet the man has for me.  Back when I was 25, I was praying about why I couldn't meet the right guy and I really felt like God laid 28 on my heart.  However, that entire year, I just kept searching for the right person.  When my 29th birthday came calling, a huge overwhelming feeling came over me.  How could I feel like God make that promise to me, and yet it didn't happen?  Did this mean that I was supposed to be single forever?  Should I just give up on that God dream?  Working with God and submitting my dreams to Him was hard.  Especially when your friends and family are in happy committed relationships and you are left sitting there wondering why.  Towards the fall of 2011, I felt like God told me that I needed to step out and see what was out there in realm of dating.  Looking back on it, I feel that He wanted to allow me to trust Him that there is a good and perfect gift from Him out there, coming in His time.  At the same time, I know that He knew my heart and that I thought I could do better than Him, so He gave me the free will to test things out.  He knew that I needed room to fail, so to speak.  I tried a few avenues.  The person to person stuff didn't pan out, but I was more insulted by the fact I paid a hefty amount of money for a well known online dating site and when all was said and done, I could not be matched with anyone at all.  Not just in the United States.  In the world.  Are you kidding me?  I guess that should have been my clue that I am not in control of my dating life, but rather God is.  I refused to listen to the memo until last year, 2012, the year of surrender.